What Not To Watch: L.A. Streetfighters

Since I began writing the What Not To Watch feature here on the site, I have not had anybody come to the defense of any of the movies I’ve selected.

That may change this week as I warn the movie watching masses about L.A. Streetfighters. This movie is bad… but is it so bad that it becomes good? Some might think so. And that opinion may be amplified if they’ve had an adult beverage or two.

But in my opinion, this movie is terrible. And it is terrible on a multitude of levels.

• Audio Nightmare: Not only does this movie look terrible, it sounds horrible. The dubbing of the dialogue is old Godzilla movie level, but some how it is even more distracting because it appears they are actually speaking English, but that all the dialogue was re-recorded in post production. If MGM wanted to make some more money off this film (and how a company like MGM even has a film like this in their library is something of a mystery) They would release it as a game where friends could get together and record their own audio for each character because I assure you it would sound just as good.

• Beverly Hills 90210: If you thought the casting of Luke Perry, Jason Priestly and Shannen Doherty as high schoolers in Beverly Hills 90210 was a bit far fetched, the decision to make Jun Chong a high schooler makes no sense at all. Couldn’t he have shaved his mustache? The only thing that seemed young about him was his character’s name, Young. When we are first introduced to his character’s mother, she looks the same age as him. Phillip Rhee, of Best of the Best fame, is in the movie as one of Young’s friends, Tony. Rhee was 25 when he was playing a high schooler in L.A. Streetfighters. James Lew is also in the movie, he was 33 at the time of playing Young’s rival. He has been in dozens of action movies and TV shows over the years including Action Jackson, The A-Team, Timecop, Lethal Weapon 4 and Walker, Texas Ranger.
• The Most Awkward Scenes in Movie History: At one point early on in the film, Young, goes over to a friends house because he got them all a job to do security for a party. He walks in and his friend is in the shower… mind you this shower is basically in the middle of a hall way, it is surrounded by plants for privacy… but that doesn’t stop Young from walking right over and standing behind his friend in the shower and offering him a banana from the bag of groceries he is carrying… this scene got extra disturbing later in the film when there’s a bathtub scene with a drug dealer and his lady and her breasts are blurred out, yet Young’s friends bare ass was on full display. Why movie? Why? I was watching this on MGM HD, which is a premium movie channel, where nothing has to be censored.
• It’s My Party And I’ll Cry If I Want To: There’s another scene in the movie where Young and Tony are celebrating the birthday of one of their friends. They get the guy a cake and everything and the guy is so overcome with emotion that he begins to cry. I can’t recall me and a bunch of my male friends ever getting together to celebrate my birthday (and I’ve had more than I care to admit) and any of them ever getting me a cake… but maybe if they did I too would be emotionally overwhelmed, but I’m just a regular guy… not a tough guy streetfighter from Los Angeles.

• When Heroes Go Bad: Young and Tony and the boys get another job doing security, when Young discovers that the host of the party is selling drugs, he inexplicably steals the money after the buyers leave and the drug dealer and his lady go to have some fun in the aforementioned bathtub scene. I’m not completely sure what his motivation was. Anyway, with the money stolen the drug dealer brings in two heavies to teach Young and his crew a lesson they won’t soon forget.

Poor quality… and again I saw this in the best format available on MGM HD, so it is not like I was watching the horrible version that is up on You Tube or a VHS tape I won off of eBay. Poor casting… the high schoolers look like they are contemporaries of just about everyone else in the film. Poor story… if this is what life was like to be a member of a gang in Los Angeles in the mid-80’s, I’m glad I was not a member of a gang in Los Angeles in the mid-80’s. A street gang hired to do security? Sure they are tough, but you should get people who are tough and can prevent violence or keep it at a minimum.

Some of the action is good… a guy loses a hand in one of the fights. So that gives the movie some positive points, but the overall look and feel of this is so bad those positive points aren’t enough to make this movie anything but a What Not To Watch flick in my book.