What Not To Watch: Hot Boyz
Question: What happens when you watch a movie written and directed by Master P?
Answer: You absolutely hate yourself for watching it.
Before I get into the negatives of Hot Boyz, I will share one positive… the feeling of self loathing one gets from watching the movie doesn’t kick in instantly. You actually get a few minutes where the movie seems like it might be watchable as Hot Boyz kicks off in grand fashion, with our hero, Kool, driving a car through a big window (would that be considered defenestration driving?) with the police in hot pursuit of him creating a pretty action packed car chase scene. But that feeling that things might not be so bad is soon spoiled with one of my movie pet peeves… the car chase stops and we get the whole “6 Months Earlier” in media res gimmick. And it is literally all down hill from there…
- The Premise: Kool (played by Master P’s baby brother Silkk Tha Shocker) has dreams of becoming a recording artist, he also has a girlfriend who believes in him named LaShawna (Shireen Crutchfield). One night after knockin’ boots with Kool, LaShawna walks home and happens upon an undercover cop who had been stabbed by a dirty cop named Officer Mack (Brent Huff of 9 Deaths of the Ninja fame) in an alley. LaShawna stops to help the man who is at this point bleeding to death. This is about the time the police show up, see LaShawna hovering over the now dead undercover cop’s body and with his blood on her. She freaks out and runs home, the police go after her and despite having ZERO motive, despite not finding the knife that was used to stab the undercover cop, LaShawna is arrested and charged with first degree murder. Obviously the “P” in Master P does not stand for police procedure.
- Enter the Busey: The detective in charge of this murder investigation is is named Tully (Gary Busey of Lethal Weapon and Eye of the Tiger fame). Busey makes a deal with Kool that he’ll get LaShawna out of prison, if Kool will help him infiltrate the drug trafficking gang run by Saint (Clifton Powell). As an added incentive, Tully kills a guy with a gun he had Kool hand him, thus putting Kool’s fingerprints on what is now a murder weapon. With the threat of being framed for murder himself, Kool accepts Tully’s offer so he can get LaShawna out of prison. I’m thinking any lawyer with even half a brain and a fair trial could get LaShawna out of prision and Kool would not have had to make this deal, but what the hell do I know?!
- Overkill: To add to the drama, we find out LaShawna is pregnant. To add to the lack of logic, Officer Mack shows up at the women’s correctional facility and interrogates LaShawna, you know in case she decided to see how bad prison was for a few weeks before she told the cops that she saw Officer Mack stab the undercover cop, because that is the type of information if she had, she would have kept to herself. Mack beats the crap out of here, killing LaShawna and her unborn child, which then causes our hero Kool to turn into our villain Kool as he and his crew (including hip hop legend Snoop Dogg) take over Saint’s drug trafficking operation and become the wannabe gangstas they always dreamed of being.
I can’t recall an action movie where every character in the movie is either completely unlikable from the start or becomes completely unlikable through out the course of the film. I guess the only character who came close to being likable would be Kool’s sensei, Master Keaton (Jeff Speakman of The Perfect Weapon and Street Knight fame). But the fact that Jeff Speakman agreed to be in this piece of hot garbage, kind of made me have some ill feelings toward him too. And when a movie is so bad that it can make an action movie fanatic like myself have negative feelings toward a man like Jeff Speakman it has to be a movie with a crap level that knows No Limit.
Would you like some more Hot Boyz related bullet points? Well Hoody Hoo to you…
- Pet Peeve: Hot Boyz has the distinction of having the alternate title, Gang Law.
- Two More Positives: At one point, some slut named Roxanne pays Detective Tully a visit in his office and unleashes her breasts right in front of him.
- Familiar Face: C. Thomas Howell (Red Dawn and To Protect and Serve) plays another unlikable cop in the movie. I wonder if his appearance in this film was reparations for starring in Soul Man.
- Hot Boyz: The title of the movie is also the name of Kool and his gang after they reject the idea of calling themselves Kool & The Gang.
- One Sentence Review: Hot Boyz made me say uggggghhhhh!
