Bullet Points: Masters of the Universe
I don’t know why this movie gets shit on so much. I guess it doesn’t quite follow the shitty cartoon that it was developed from but who cares. The cartoon was made to sell toys that were already molded. They had made a bunch of toys for the character Conan but couldn’t sell them so they made a new character named “HE MAN” and sold that shit. The entire story of Prince Adam and Skeletor is pretty crappy in the show so I will take this movie version with the beefcake Lundgren and Frank Langella any day. People were pissed that they spend most of their time on Earth but after seeing Cyborg they should be thankful they didn’t spend it in that world. Geesh. This is all coming from someone who grew up loving Masters of the Universe so if you think it’s shit you might not like this review. If you haven’t seen it or just haven’t seen it in a long time I challenge you to watch it and not have fun. Skeletor > Emperor Palpatine all day baby.
The Gist: The planet Eternia is in the aftermath of Skeletor’s war on Castle Greyskull, which he has won after seizing Greyskull and the surrounding city using the Cosmic Key developed by the Thenorian locksmith Gwildor. The Sorceress is now Skeletor’s prisoner and he begins to drain her lifeforce as he waits for the Eternia’s moon to align with the Great Eye of the Universe that will bestow god-like powers upon him. To escape the wrath of Skeletor, the heroes open a portal to Earth and flee through it. Once on Earth, He-Man and company team up with two teenagers as they attempt to find the key and return home. However, the evil Skeletor and his vile minions are soon hot on their trail.
The Cast: Dolph Lundgren has his first post-Rocky 4 role and if you ask me he is a kick-ass He Man. He doesn’t say much. He almost had a different voice actually since Lundgren didn’t really speak English very well at the time of filming and they almost dubbed in someone else’s voice. Luckily, they didn’t have enough money to do that and they just let Dolph do his own voice. Jon Cypher and Chelsea Field play his partners in the fight against Skeletor. Chelsea Field is smoking hot in her tights and throw in a young Courtney Cox and I’m all over this movie. For those in the know we have James Tolkan (the principal from Back to the Future) as the police detective on the case as well and everybody knows he’s just delightful.
Eternia’s saviors.
The Villain: If you have heard too many bad things about this movie and just can’t stand to watch it, let me give you two words: Frank Langella. That should be enough for you to push play on the DVD. Once you start it up, Langella is just so awesome that you get sucked in. I was rooting for Skeletor just cause he was so passionate. He Man and friends were going round doing good and all but Skeletor was risking it all for the prize. Hell Yeah! Meg Foster shows her weird eyes as Evil-Lyn too. That has to be the worst name in comic/cartoon/movie history by the way. She rules though cause she keeps hiring mercenaries who fail miserably at every turn. The white-haired guy named Karg looks like he sings for an all female rock band in the late 1970’s.
Langella is pure gold as Skeletor. And Meg Foster’s eyes never looked creepier!
The Action: The fight scenes are pretty good here. They use lasers like in the GI Joe cartoon so you can shoot people and “not know if they die or not”. Plus the storm trooper looking dudes are way cooler than the ones in Star Wars if you ask me. You know, cause they wear black…which means they’re bad. Plus, they get shot and stabbed so much you would think that a bunch of coma patients were paraded around in those suits. The production was way over budget so the final battle was basically changed cause they couldn’t film what they had written. Instead, they shut the lights off and He Man and Skeleor duel it out in the dark. Normally that would look like shit but it turned out to be pretty sweet in my book. Anthony De Longis (who played Blade), who was choreographing the action, stood in as Skeletor and he and Dolph had themselves a little sword fight to end the movie. BAD ASS
Laser Whips!!!
Take it Home:
- Favorite quote: “I must possess all or I possess nothing!”
- Sequel: In one scene I spotted a Delorean sitting in a parking lot. The next scene we see James Tolkan, the principal from Back to the Future. Do you think it’s a coincidence or did he retire from the school district and join the police force, only to help He Man and the others save the day? I wonder….
- Musica: The music is epically awesome. It sounds almost like they’re using the Superman theme and I hear some Jimi Hendrix later in the film.
- Cast: The lady who plays the Sorceress is named Christina Pickles….c’mon. Why wouldn’t you change your name if your last name was Pickles?
- Battle of Greyskull: The movie opens after the fall of Castle Greyskull so we never really get to see the battle but it was still kind of cool. Some of the soldiers like Man-at-Arms and Teela were basically waging a guerilla war against Skeletor at that point.
Rating: 4/5
