5 Questions: Cyborg Cop III
I started questioning Cyborg Cop III before I even started watching.
“Do I really want to watch Cyborg Cop III?” I asked myself. After the terrible experience I had while watching Cyborg Cop II it was a fair question.
But against my better judgment I did hit play and soon found my head filled with more questions…
1) Why is this movie called Cyborg Cop III?
Was the Cyborg Cop franchise such a hit that they forced the title Cyborg Cop III on the otherwise named Terminal Impact? Were fans demanding a third installment? This movie has no connection whatsoever to the first two Cyborg Cop movies, and from my painful memories of Cyborg Cop II there was no reason that that movie should have been named Cyborg Cop II. In Cyborg Cop II, David Bradley does portray a cop, but he was not a cyborg himself, nor was he assigned to the division of the police that specializes in policing cyborgs. So if Cyborg Cop II didn’t really deserve the name Cyborg Cop, then Cyborg Cop III deserves it even less.
2) Why leave a nosey reporter in a room alone with sensitive information?
In Cyborg Cop III, Jenny McShane plays ace TV news reporter Evelyn Reed. Reed gets a tip that a company by the name of Delta Tech is conducting some experiments on physical education students from one of the colleges in the area. Sheen, the evil CEO of the company, decides to get in front of the situation and invites Reed to Delta Tech for a tour of their facilities and an overview of what exactly they are trying to accomplish (it involves insect blood and making people immune to radiation, but what they are really doing is turning students into cyborg mercenaries). At one point she is left alone with the computers that control the entire operation. This is like locking a fat kid in a candy store over night, you’re just asking for trouble.
Bonus question, how did she know how to remove the most important piece of hardware from the computer system?
3) Is this guy serious?
One of the cyborgs is named Adam. I believe since he was the first cyborg created by Delta Tech, they decided to go Biblical and name him after the first man on earth. That’s all well and good, but my question here is directed towards the actor that portrayed Adam. His name, certainly a stage name, is Justin Illusion.
Unless this guy was doing magic shows on the side, this may be one of the worst names I have ever heard. And remember I come from a background in independent wrestling where bad names (including bad Justin names) are a dime a dozen. I wish me reading that his name was Justin Illusion was just an illusion. But sadly it is not, it is fact and he actually got work 7 times before his acting career went up in smoke.
4) Did the world really need to see Frank Zagarino “sing and dance”?
Frank Zagarino plays Saint, a federal marshal who gets the bad guys along with his partner Max (Bryan Genesse). There is a scene in the movie where Max pops over to Saint’s apartment (this is a common occurrence since Max feels Saint’s food tastes better and it is free) and he catches Saint preparing a meal while listening to some awful music on the radio, the whole time Saint is singing along and dancing.
That scene would be a favorite for Worst Musical Performance in an Action Movie. And the awful music in the movie is not just contained to that one scene. It is featured through out the movie and it really is only one step above the abysmal soundtrack in The Collectors.
5) Whatever happened to the Crash Test Dummies?
During the tour of Delta Tech, Sheen takes Evelyn Reed to a crash test, where she will watch Adam the Cyborg drive into a wall, making him Adam the Crash Test Dummy. Which got me to thinking whatever happened to the group, the Crash Test Dummies? Things that make you go mmm… mmm… mmm… mmm.
