Bullet Points: Oblivion
I like me a good science fiction movie from time to time. I grew up on Star Wars and Star Trek so it makes since that I would dig Hollywood’s newfound interest in Nerd culture. They’re finally realizing that guys my age will pay lots of money to see stuff that we loved when we were kids (TMNT, GI Joe) and they’re making movies that remind us of other shit like the two I mentioned previously. Oblivion isn’t Star Wars. In fact, it isn’t even close because it isn’t trying to be. It is, however, a very beautifully made sci-fi flick starring a dude who may actually believe in some of the aliens he sees in these films.
The Gist: A worker on a resource-ridden planet Earth is tasked with protecting giant machines which pull the water from the Earth. When he comes in contact with a returned astronaut, Jack finds that everything that he has protected has been a lie.
The Cast: An impressive cast of good-looking people including Tom Cruise, Olga Kurylenko, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Andrea Risborough, and Morgan Freeman’s old ass. I’ve become a big fan of Cruise over the years, despite him being crazy and all because there really isn’t another action star out there that has put out this many good flicks over their career. Tommy boy puts in another good performance here as well since the movie is really just his tale and the rest of the cast is just there for him to react to. Jaime Lannister has yet to have his big American flick so if you were hoping for a breakout performance from him you’ll have to keep waiting.
Pure luck would have it that every other living woman on Earth is a former model.
The Villain: If you haven’t watched Oblivion yet then you should stop reading now cause I’m about to spoil the shit out of it for you. Tom and his partner Victoria are both clones who are actually working for “The Tet”, which is what destroyed the moon; effectively fucking up the Earth. Of course when Tom finds out not only is he pissed but he also goes after those clone-making jerks in the Tet. I honestly don’t get why he was so mad. He had been clone-banging Andrea Risborough in their futuristic penthouse and flying in a sweet-ass space plane the whole movie. If he doesn’t want the job, sign me up!
The sexy thing now-a-days is to talk about how horrible drones are. Let me tell you…they’re still better than having to fight wars on your own.
The Action: Drones are bad. That’s what I learned from this movie. I hope the writers weren’t trying to make some sort of statement about drone warfare cause when I think of drones nowadays I think more about how they’ll be delivering my pizzas and crap I buy off of Amazon instead of ones that drop bombs. Who doesn’t like a toasty hot pizza? The action scenes are a little few and far between but we do get a couple of good ones. Cruise beats his own ass, pulling out a triangle choke he learned from watching some sort of future UFC pay per view. The eye test for this movie tells me that it’s an absolutely beautiful film but my biggest gripe is that it lasted way too long.
Does this mean that Morgan Freeman will be in the next season of Game of Thrones?!? I wish!
Take it Home:
- ID4: Cruise pulls a Jeff Goldblum at the end just like in Independence Day!
- Titan: It seems like the whole “fleeing to Titan” thing wouldn’t work very well in the first place.
- 50: Cruise turned 50 years old while on set. That guy must really be on Xenu’s good list cause he looks great for his age.
Rating: 3.5/5
