Bullet Points: Turbo Kid
There was a time back when I was a child when a movie with the word “kid” in it would be a very generic fairy tale story of a young boy who defied his status, up bringing, lack of abilities, or what have you to win the heart of his sweetheart, save the town, and defeat the bullies. The Karate Kid, The Dirt Bike Kid, A Kid in King Arthur’s Court, and just about every other movie made in the late 80’s or early 90’s played off of this same trope and it pretty much worked for the most part. Turbo Kid also uses this same gimmick but the execution is quite a bit different.
Synopsis: Set in the post apocalyptic future of 1997, a kid survives on the fringes of border towns by scavenging and selling materials, just like that girl from the new Star Wars. His life is pretty normal until he comes upon a female with serious attachment issues and collides with what I would call a local warlord. His only shot at survival is with his newly salvaged Turbo Man suit. He’ll have to become the hero Turbo Kid to save his lady friend and the entire town from the evil Michael Ironside.
- Mad Max-lite: If you love your futures post apocalyptic and dystopian then you’ll definitely find great comfort in this movie. It doesn’t have the wicked car chases that you see in Mad Max films and there aren’t any spaceships but the characters do travel around on bicycles. Still the cheapest way to travel.
- Ironside as he was meant to be seen: Michael Ironside is one of my favorite villains of all time. He can play the ultimate bad guy in any movie. Hell, he could play the bad guy in every movie and I wouldn’t be upset! Turbo Kid allows Ironside to play the most over the top bad guy that he could come up with and it’s a beautiful thing to behold.
- Lady Rufio: Is it just me or was that chick supposed to be a female version of Rufio from Hook?
- The 3 Rules of Fighting: Strike fast, strike hard, and show no mercy. Sounds legit to me.
- A truly unique torture device: Bicycles are a great source of transportation and super fun to ride! But what you didn’t know is that they also make a pretty brutal killing tool. You know, when you tie a man’s insides to the bike and peddle until the dude’s intestines fly out like some sort of neverending clown scarf. If you’ve never thought of that yourself and you think it sounds interesting then you’ll have to check this one out.
- Little Rascals Dismemberment!: I don’t want to spoil the gloriousness of this one so just remember that description when you watch the film and you’ll exactly what I mean.
- Turbo Kid ain’t no punk bitch: From the moment the kid finds the Turbo suit he becomes a total badass. Killing dudes left and right, blowing people to bits, and most of all, not being scared of the eye-patch wearing Michael Ironside, he definitely earns his hero status.
- Unicorn Bicycle, Umbrellas, the Gnomestick: In a world where there aren’t many weapons you have to do what you can with what you have. I think the kid and his female friend Apple definitely master the ability to make weapons out of anything. The Kid also wields a wickedly awesome double hammer!!
Do you think you can even handle any more Bullet Points?
- Apple gives The Kid some cereal called “Soleil Vert”. That is the french name for the movie Soylent Green. You know the rest.
- The movie was supposed to be set in a desert wasteland but it was changed to an “acid rain” environment because of rainy weather.
- Turbo Kid is a feature film adaptation of a short called ‘T is for Turbo’.
The Verdict: Uhhh, if the little rascals dismemberment or the unicorn bicycle didn’t already give it away, this movie is all sorts of awesome. I had no idea what to expect when I put it on and to say that I was blown away by the amount of blood and gore would be a big understatement. The Kid gets his gruesome origin, kills a ton of people, and kinda/sorta gets the girl, but it doesn’t waste time with crybaby stories or any of that crap that I hate in action movies. This is definitely an action movie too. Don’t think that the Kid in the title means it’s not a viciously violent good time. You should probably hop on Netflix right now and queue this baby up.
