Bullet Points: Doomsdayer

There are not many things worse than copying.  Please don’t try any copy the look and dress of co-workers no matter how fashionable you might find them  Copying off of classmates is unfair and deceitful and the cheater usually ends up losing in the long run.  The lowest form of cheating has be to copying off successful movie ideas. People love to complain about remakes and reboots (even though it doesn’t stop them from seeing the movie.)  So I am here to tell you to try to be independent and follow your own path.

That is what I would have said before I saw the 2000 film Doomsdayer.  So someone please help me down from this soapbox so I can issue a mea culpa. Doomsdayer is a James Bond clone that hits all the right marks to make it an enjoyable action film even if the the story and action are all derivative.  It doesn’t quite hit the high marks of the historic British Spy and his films, but it suffices as a sort of James Bond Jr. (except that it isn’t quite as good as the underrated James Bond Jr. animated television series.)  Doomsdayer has everyone’s favorite, the steely Joe Lara (American Cyborg: Steel Warrior and Steel Frontier) as American super spy Commander Jack Logan working for the multi-national organization Protocol 23, which is sort of like MI6 but 3⅚ times better.

• Synopsis. Doomsdayer tells the story of a someone trying to set off some sort of weapon to destroy something for some reason.  Honestly, if you have watched any Bond film or action spy film you have seen this story before.  There are a few unique twists that I will touch on below, but spy films are like a good porn flick, you should watch for the action not the plot.  So emerge from you lair, invite over your mayor, put on your favorite album by Slayer, and join me in a review of Doomsdayer.

• Action. While some people like exploding helicopters, others prefer buses crashing into bodies of water, but for my money it doesn’t get any more exciting and fun then when cars drive up and down stairs.  Luckily for those with varied tastes, Doomsdayer has all three action pieces, but once I saw Logan driving up stairs inside a building during the opening scene I was hooked. Doomsdayer starts right up like a Bond film with the car chase action packed scene and Logan trying to track down some nuclear weapon detonators in a fictional Eastern European country.  The movie doesn’t stop from there and goes from action piece to action piece in a tight 93 minutes.

• Villains. The villains, like many of the Bond films, really shine in Doomsdayer.  The unique aspect of Doomsdayer is that the villains are a married power couple, the Gasts.  Max Gast is played by the fantastically evil Udo Kier (Dracula 3000) and his wife Elizabeth Gast is played by female action icon Brigitte Nielsen (Cobra and Mission of Justice).  Max is a megalomaniac trying to set off the Doomsdayer device which would set off a powerful amplified EMP causing all nuclear power plants to meltdown.  Gast is looking to nuke the whales and the rest of the earth in order to start a birth of a new world.  I really can’t blame Gast and respect his choice, because if I had the chance to eliminate all my co-workers and start fresh I would jump at the opportunity, sans the killing part.  Gast gets bonus points for quoting the underrated pirate Samuel Bellamy. Besides being a married couple, the Gasts are unique in that they are willing to die along with the rest of the world in order see a new world born.  Again, I respect that extra level of crazy. The Gast’s assistant/bodyguard is Montgomery played by martial arts master T.J. Storm (Punisher: War Zone) whose fight skills are on full display.

• Bond Logan Girls. Logan has his share of amorous adventures during his spy duties.  Logan’s contact during his time in London is the very British Mary Silverbell who is a much deeper character then were are initially led to believe.  Logan gets to know Silverbell on an intimate level and later we are treated to one of the worst girl on girl fights between Mary and Elizabeth Gast.  Logan’s other love interest is Dyna (January Issac.)  He has a past with Dyna who is currently married to Emilio, aka The Toymaker, a weapons expert for Protocol 23.  When it is presumed Max Gast had Emilio killed, Dyna wants revenge and Logan and Dyna are soon after the same target.  Finally, Logan’s handler at Protocol 23 is Daly who almost always is in constant contact with Logan and while there may not be the physical connection, the pair have a certain rapport.

• Gadgets. Just like the films it pays homage to, Doomsdayer features Jack Logan using several nifty gadgets and weapons.  As mentioned above, Protocol 23 uses Emilio to create many said weapons and gadgets.  Emilio is playing the Q role and to make sure you understand that fact, he is working at the LL Desmond Ballistics Facility.  Desmond Llewelyn was the actor who portrayed Q in the Bond series.  Emilio’s niftiest gadgets are the different types of exploding pens that come in handy for Logan.  Emilio is thought to be dead triggering Dyna to return to her former badass killer mode for revenge.  She is able to use a vehicle that has all sorts of gadgets and weaponry that her husband modified.

Just because something is like something else doesn’t it make it bad.  Jack Logan and Joe Lara might not be household names like James Bond and Sean Connery, but that doesn’t make it bad.  The budget and special effects might not be on the same level of a Hollywood summer blockbuster, but that doesn’t make it bad.  The women might not be supermodels, but… well it couldn’t hurt to have even more beautiful women. All that I am saying is give Doomsdayer a chance.

Now enjoy some James Bondish Bonus Bullet Points

• Logan is offered a martini, shaken not stirred, but he responds with “Kentucky sour mash, straight up.”  OK, USA!
• When Logan is looking at a screen of ships owned by the Gasts, they are named after former Bond Girls: Rider, Vesper, Lynd, Kitty Galore, Tilly, Tatiana, Domino, and Goodnight.  The producers were too much of a pussy to get one of the names completely accurate.
• Mary Silverbell is filled with the innuendos and quips that would fit right in with a classic Bond film. “You have awfully big thingies” and “Maybe I care too much about seaman” are two of the more enjoyable lines.