Some Ladies You Should Love
There are no shortage of actresses who continue to land coveted roles but somehow fall short when it comes to pleasing me. That is not acceptable. I get very tired of seeing the same old tired faces in what seems like every single action franchise. Jennifer Lawrence’s untalented ass keeps getting roles in movies where she has to run and jump around so much that she must have a legion of stunt women to perform even the most mundane of moves. Her mutant power in X-Men should have been her ability to make millions of dollars by using only one facial expression her entire career. If Mark Wahlberg is the prototypical “guy from Boston” then JLaw is the “white trash 10”.
Charlize Theron, as much as I’d like to cozy up next to her, hasn’t made a decent action movie if you eliminate Mad Max: Fury Road. And it’s not from lack of trying. She’s been in at least 8-10 movies that I would label “action packed” if not full-on “action”. It seems like women like Charlize and Jennifer will never run out of opportunities to shit all over another action film.
Well, you’re welcome Hollywood. No need to search around looking for the next big things. I’ve made a short list of a few of my favorite women who need to appear more on the big screen.
Ellen Hollman:
She made Road House 2 and The Scorpion King 4 so she’s got a handle on taking over roles from previous actresses but Ms. Hollman has yet to find her one breakout role. I loved her character in the Starz Spartacus series but that was also because that show catered to people like me often (nudity and killing galore!). For many actors looking to make it big they need only to find that one big superhero flick that they can dig their teeth into. The comic book genre continues to make insane amounts of money and I’m certain there are a bunch of smoking hot blonde characters that Ellen can take on. Do it now!
Kelly Hu:
You may remember Kelly as the smokin’ hot Asian from the original Scorpion King or X2 but I still remember her from the film that caused a young Chad to weaken in the knees and swear off other women, if only for a couple of days; Surf Ninjas. Yes, the one with Rob Schneider. But Kelly isn’t just another pretty face or tight ass (although she does have both), her acting resume is full of television shows and movies that you’ve either seen and loved (Martial Law, Arrow) or movies that deserve your eyeballs immediately (The Tournament, Death Valley). I saw we carve out another spot for her in the Star Wars Universe, what do you think?
Bianca Bradey:
Star of Wyrmwood: Road of the Dead, zombie Queen, and sexy Australian goddess, Bianca Bradey has yet to fully make her mark on American audiences. I’m torn between my desire to see more of Bianca in film and the personal enjoyment that I get from knowing who she is when others don’t. It’s kind of like that band that you liked before they made it big. Then they turned into Mumford & Sons and you just don’t feel the same way having to share them with everyone. Or maybe I’m acting more like Gollum with his precious ring. Either way, I sound like a total weirdo and the only real cure would be for Bianca to make a few more films to satiate the taste that I’ve already developed for her. Oh great, now I sound like a cannibal.
Briana Evigan:
Briana’s filmography already shows at least two Dolph Lundgren pictures and if there’s one thing that I know, it’s that Dolph Lundgren won’t do a movie with just anybody. Who am I kidding, Dolph makes 38 movies a year (still only half of what Danny Trejo makes) so he’s bound to make a movie with almost anyone with a SAG card but Briana Evigan has already shown an ability to be one of, if not the best part of both of those Dolph Lundgren movies. Guess what, she can dance too!
Judie Aronson:
Although she could probably play the mother of some of the other women on this list, Judie Aronson is one of my all-time favorites! If I had one of those computers from Weird Science I would feed pictures of Judie Aronson into that thing like a gambling addict outside of a Keno machine. The bizarre thing is that Judie was in Weird Science and those twerps were still trying to conjure up some other woman. Ludicrous, I say! Judie has been busying keeping herself and other fit with her Rock It Body Pilates (and we thank her for it) so she hasn’t done much in the way of TV or films of late, but there’s always a chance that I might finally get that Kickstarter drive going for that remake to The Blue Lagoon that I’ve written starring myself and Judie. I can’t wait!
