Bullet Points: No More Dirty Deals

There comes a point in everyone’s life when something bothers you so much that you can’t take it anymore. You get so upset that you want to stand on the highest mountain and shout “No More!” For me, it is those damn dirty deals. I hate them. I have had it up to here with dirty deals (if you could see me and believe me I know that you wish you could, you would see my hand up to top of my head.) Luckily for me, there is an action film that succinctly states my position on dirty deals while entertaining the hell out of me, 1993’s No More Dirty Deals. Luckily for you, I happen to have some Bullet Points for said film so let us relish our fortuity and join me on a journey to No More Dirty Deals.

• More Taimak: No More Dirty Deals stars the one and only Taimak. One and only refers to the number of names for the mononymous action star. It could refer to his unique skill and awesome fight ability, but it doesn’t. It is because he goes by one name and what a fine one name to go by. Most of you probably got your first taste of Taimak in his Vanity piece The Last Dragon and for a man that really kicks butt in that movie he hasn’t had enough other leading roles. No More Dirty Deals gives Taimak another chance to shine in an action film and he delivers in spades. Taimak plays Sean Halloway, the antagonist of No More Dirty Deals. Sean is a debonair, sophisticated and probably psychopathic criminal who leads a group of five young attractive thieves as they pull off numerous scores. One day while out pleasure boating, Sean’s boat breaks down and he takes it to our protagonist, Travis McCloud, to get fixed.

• More More: When your top billed star only goes by one name, it doesn’t hurt to have the actor playing the hero double up on his names. Enter Von von Lindenberg in his first starring role as Travis. It was also his last starring role (and last role period) which is a shame because we deserved more but we still have the highly recommended music of Von von Lindenberg. Travis is a lowly boat mechanic, but he has one of the fastest boats on the water, which is why Sean wants Travis to not only fix his boat, but make it the best. Sean attempts to gain favor with Travis by taking him to the neighborhood strip club/amateur boxing arena combo. For all you clamoring for a stripping/boxing montage, you are in luck because we get to see Taimak kick ass while asses are shaking on screen. Travis gets really drunk on champagne, but it is Tequila that causes him the most problems. Did I mention that Tequila is the name of one of the exotic dancers?

• More Leo Kessler: Carry (Jennifer Langdon) is member of Sean’s crew who happens to fall in love with Travis. She starts off using Travis and even dupes him into robbing a house for her as she gets away with diamonds while Travis is arrested. However, after he is arrested, Carry forces Sean to use his pull to get Travis released. As Sean gets crazier and deadlier, members of his crew have different feelings to the direction of their criminal enterprise.  Travis is caught in middle of the escalating situation and pondering how he got stuck with such a dirty deal. You might think that you could see where this movie is heading with Travis and Carry in love and Sean’s team falling apart, but the filmmakers created a movie titled No More Dirty Deals and they decided to go with an unexpected ending and not leave the audience with any dirty deals. I don’t want to spoil the outcome, but I will let you know that I was super happy they went with the 10 to Midnight ending.

No More Dirty Deals proves several things: Taimak should be in more movies, competent action films filled with heart are all around even if you have never heard of them, dirty deals suck, and if you put a woman in a bikini on the cover I will watch your action movie. If you are like me and are done with dirty deals go check out No More Dirty Deals, but if you are not satisfied yet I will deal out some Bonus Bullet Points.

• Dirty Deals Done Dirt Cheap: I don’t know how high or low the budget was, but the filmmakers got their money’s worth as No More Dirty Deals can entertain with any of the big budget blockbusters. I am pretty positive that besides Taimak the majority of the money went to the bikini budget.

• Best Quote: When Travis agrees to make Sean’s boat the fastest he promises: “I’m going to make your boat so fast you will be whistling out your ass.” You know what Travis, when you fix up my personal boat, my 45’ twin 900hp Mercury 900 SC Cigarette ‘His Mattjesty’ make mine a touch slower than the speed when everyone behind me wonders why they are hearing Dixie.

• Worst Quote: There is a tie between the opening and closing narrations because both were pointless.

• Best Getaway Vehicle: There is no better vehicle to use as a getaway vehicle than a hovercraft because I don’t think there is a mode of transportation that makes more noise.

• Stranger Danger: The soundtrack for No More Dirty Deals features music exclusively by Stranger, which is a great name for the band because I have no idea who they are. That doesn’t mean it is bad, I enjoyed the music, but I will never be able to talk to them.