Bullet Points: Miami Connection

I hope to never be in the position of having to choose between watching a movie about ninjas or something like getting my family to a shelter before a tornado hits. I’m afraid of what might happen to my family while I’m being lifted away by the twister with an ear to ear grin from the ninja goodness running through my veins.

Miami Connection is one of those movies that I’ve read and heard about for years but have never sat down and watched. It’s a mistake that I’ve lived to regret but also one that I’m happy to say that I’ve corrected. Just minutes ago the credits rolled on Miami Connection and like an 80’s rock band singing about friendship…I’m about to surprise you with some positivity.

Synopsis: The year is 1987. Motorcycle ninjas tighten their grip on Florida’s narcotics trade, viciously annihilating anyone who dares move in on their turf. Multi-national martial arts rock band Dragon Sound have had enough, and embark on a roundhouse wreck-wave of crime-crushing justice. When not chasing beach bunnies or performing their hit song “Against the Ninja,” Mark (taekwondo master/inspirational speaker Y.K. Kim) and the boys are kicking and chopping at the drug world’s smelliest underbelly. It’ll take every ounce of their blood and courage, but Dragon Sound can’t stop until they’ve completely destroyed the dealers, the drunk bikers, the kill-crazy ninjas, the middle-aged thugs, the “stupid cocaine”…and the entire MIAMI CONNECTION!!! Written by MiamiConnection

• The Ninja Life: Whoever you may be, there is very little chance that you’re as cool as a group of ninjas riding motorcycles around town. In fact, is there anything more stealthy than 30 ninjas riding around on Harley’s? The answer is yes, yes there is.
• Dragon Sound: Much of the action from Miami Connection comes because of the amazing ability of the band Dragon Sound. I’m sure you’ve heard of them? They’re the new house rock band for the hottest club in Miami (or was it Orlando?). They took the job after the previous band was fired but now that group of bandmates aren’t taking this lying down. They confront the members of Dragon Sound on multiple occasions but leave each time with their asses thoroughly handed to them.

• But What About That Sound: Do you like to rock n roll? What about songs that are filled with positive messages about friendship and Tae Kwon Do? Those questions were rhetorical, who doesn’t love those things? Dragon Sound is one of the most diverse 80’s band I’ve ever seen and while Y.K. Kim looks like he’s never seen a person play a guitar before, he kicks some serious tail in a pinch.
• Life in the City: Things are pretty dangerous for Dragon Sound in Florida. I thought the state was mostly retired people and immigrants but apparently I was wrong. The fellas get their training on at the campus of Central Florida while their only female member attends classes. It’s her older brother (who’s connected to some bad guys) that gets jealous when he finds out his little sis is dating the Michael Phelps lookalike from Dragon Sound and moves in to “teach him a lesson”. What follows is more than an hour of nearly every scene ending in a fight. It’s a dream come true.
• Always Training: Never stop training. That’s what my sensei taught me and that’s what I’m teaching my son. The guys of Dragon Sound found a decent spot on campus where they can do some full-contact sparring, break some boards, and then sit down for an ice cold Pepsi.

• Bikers, Drug Runners, and Ninjas Oh My: Like the works of our good friend Bill Shakespeare, the story of Miami Connection tragically turns deadly after two members of Dragon Sound fall in love and the jealous brother starts some stuff. The crew runs afoul of Yashito, the leader of the ninjas who are running the Orlando/Miami drug turf. The Dragon Sound guys fight their way through the biker dudes, and angry band members only to be ambushed by the black-clad martial arts masters. Unsuspecting to them, the crooners from Dragon Sound are some seriously good fighters and they’re not afraid to kill a ninja or two if necessary.
• The Action: There is no reason for Miami Connection to be as good as it is. The entire story sounds so ridiculous that it’s hard to believe that I enjoyed it so much. Well, maybe it’s not that hard to believe because I’ll watch pretty much anything with ninjas in it but Miami Connection has some legit action scenes that any fan of the genre will enjoy. As I said earlier, most of the scenes end in a fight between the band and some combination of bikers or ninjas and there were some surprising acts of gore as dudes got their arms and even their heads chopped off. Did I mention that there were also a few pairs of biker boobs? This movie has it all!

Rock n Roll, Ninjas, neon lights, and 1980’s South Florida…just sit back and relax with these bonus Bullet Points.

• The Dragon Sound guys cruise the beach checking out the babes, “They don’t make buns like these down at the bakery”.
• As far as I’m concerned, shirts are always optional. So it was good to see that the guys of Dragon Sound agree with me on that one. They rarely wear them and some of them even pop them off at the first taste of combat.
• Jim, played by Maurice Smith, has a really out of place story about his dad who abandoned him and his mom when he was a kid. Why this is in there is another story altogether.
• The final showdown between Asian good guy and Asian bad guy isn’t quite what I wanted it to be but there are so many enjoyable things over the course of the film that I just couldn’t not have fun with Miami Connection.