Chad Cruise presents: The Hall of Shame
I had a completely different post planned for today but with the Christmas spirit nearly leaving my body prematurely due to my extremely hectic non-BPA related life, I thought it might be a good idea to vent a little bit of my frustration while also writing a post for this fine website. I hope you like it. In fact, if you don’t like it you might end up as a next year’s inductee!!
Mark Wahlberg playing another cop from Boston
The first person who deserves to be in my Hall of Shame is Mark Wahlberg. Recently I’ve seen a couple of articles and interviews with Mark and as much as I hate to admit it I think that we’d actually get along pretty well. He seems like he’s still really grounded, is a dedicated Patriot, and very much a family man. What I can’t stand about Mark Wahlberg has more to do with his roles in action movies.
Just take a look at Mark’s newest film to hit theaters, Patriots Day. Once again Wahlberg is playing a cop from Boston, a role that he seems to have a monopoly on. He is to Boston cops as Seth Rogen is to chubby Jews. Don’t get me wrong, Seth Rogen is funny and Jews are nice people but have some freaking respect for your trade man! Wahlberg needs to play an African dictator or a Buddhist monk. That I would pay to watch!
Channing Tatum is a poor man’s Mark Wahlberg
Seriously….look at every role Tatum has played in and I’m pretty sure that you can easily picture Wahlberg playing the part. Besides for having a hot wife, Tatum is a total waste of life and his action movies are nearly unwatchable when he’s on screen. Maybe someday Tatum and Wahlberg will team up for a buddy cop movie and my heart will explode out of my chest.
These shitty reboots need to stop
How many reboots have to bomb at the box office before they’ll decide to write something original? Total Recall, Robocop, Red Dawn, Point Break; these movies were all the movie equivalent of a highly potent laxative. There have been a few movies that I quite enjoyed but none of them did well enough to force the studios to continue on. Dredd was kickass and I actually enjoyed the newest Jason Momoa Conan movie. Our best bet at another Dredd would most likely be from the cats at Netflix or maybe some sort of kickstarter money grab or something. Either way, these reboots need to disappear faster than a Jim Webb presidential campaign.
Where are all the F*cking Ninja movies at?
I know this isn’t the 1980’s but can I get one decent ninja movie before I die from a stroke? It’s sad that I have to go back and watch Sho Kosugi movies because some idiot in L.A. doesn’t realize that Scott Adkins is amazing and needs to do a big budget ninja movie. Those Hollywood liberals are all about diversity but they keep making the same four movies over and over. They need to diversify their thinking and come up with something original for a change. Pretty soon they won’t be able to stick Bruce Willis or Liam Neeson in every movie about a grumpy old badass.
I thought getting all of this off of my chest would help but it’s only caused me to get angrier. Merry stinkin’ Christmas…
