Bullet Points: C.I.A. Code Name: Alexa

Today we welcome in a new President of the United States and depending on who you ask he is either going to bring America back to greatness or create Hell on Earth. I don’t want to focus on all that negativity so let’s instead talk about a man who we already know is a great American; Lorenzo Lamas.

Lorenzo has been entertaining us for years and it’s finally time that some of you people (yes, you people) stand up and realize that he’s one of the more underappreciated action stars of the 1990’s. There was no doubt that when he walked into a room with his leather jacket, scruffy face, and ponytail, Lorenzo was the coolest guy in the room. Also, he probably slept with every chick in that building!

Synopsis: A C.I.A. operative (Lorenzo Lamas) kills a terrorist during a standoff and a group of his buddies show up to retrieve a stolen microchip from the man’s body. They group is thwarted and the feds attempt to turn one of the captured terrorists (Kathleen Kinmont) against her former crew in order to find the stolen piece of equipment.

• Enter Lamas: Much like Mel Gibson in Lethal Weapon, we meet Lorenzo’s character as he rolls up on a hostage situation in progress. He casually walks up and takes command, then rides a police bike into the building and takes out the bad guys without so much as messing up his hair.

• R.I.P. Gregory: The terrorist at the beginning of the film, who we see kill an innocent man, is named Gregory. We only know this because we’re given a brief glimpse of his funeral. He had quite a few friends during his days on this Earth and I’m not really sure why. They mention that he was a pimp, a drug runner, and a murderer. The preacher then follows that up by saying that deep down he was still a good soul….WHAT?!?!
• DID YOU KNOW: The basement at the C.I.A. building in wherever they are is made up entirely of some sort of martial arts training school?
• Do you even age bro?: How could Alexa have been involved with so many things if she was only 24 years old? Was she doing secret agent stuff when she was 16 or what?

• BTW: This movie also has O.J. Simpson as a detective.
• Pure Art: There is no doubt that the camera loves Kathleen Kinmont. Especially the ones that are operated by the filmmakers of C.I.A. Code Name: Alexa. At every opportunity they seem to linger for just a few seconds on various curvatures of her body. It’s a beautiful thing, really. Now excuse me while I go google pictures of her for the next 20 minutes.

• A Thorn in her Paw: Alexa is portrayed as a totally badass chick who doesn’t take shit from anyone (think Stone Cold Steve Austin during the Attitude Era) but they find out her weakness and exploit it for the rest of the movie. Yes, that weakness is her little daughter and I’m sure she loves her very much but you have to admit, it’s a pretty big chink in her armor. Right?
• Action fans rejoice: This film doesn’t skip out on the action. As much as I kept waiting for some more scenes where they could exploit the hot nature of the Lorenzo/Alexa relationship, the fight scenes at the end were more than enough to make me a happy man. Lamas has a pretty good fight with the buff brother who always punches two inches too high to hit anyone and O.J. gets shot. He probably deserved it, come to think of it, but Alexa gets her ultimate revenge when she saves her daughter by ripping the bad guy’s testicles off and choking him to death with his scrotum! Just kidding…O.J. did it. He is a murderer after all.

Let’s celebrate Lorenzo’s birthday with a few extra Bullet Points:

• There is a girl in my son’s daycare named Alexa and she isn’t nearly as badass as this one! I’m certain that they named her after Kathleen Kinmont, though, and she’s probably training in Krav Maga as we speak.
• O.J. says “that’s the second time this week that I got my ass kicked by a chick.” Was that quote used as evidence against him in his murder trial?
• Lorenzo Lamas and Kathleen Kinmont were married during the filming of C.I.A. Code Name: Alexa. They would later go on to make a sequel together and then film the excellent show Renegade for several seasons. I will now post a picture from Renegade….because, that is the Lorenzo that I know and the Lorenzo that I wish to remember when he is gone. Happy Birthday Lorenzo.