Bullet Points: The Rezort

Dougray Scott was almost Wolverine. He came very close back in 2000 to portraying the clawed mutant in X-Men and may have continued to play the character for years after. It’s easy to say that he may have not had the success that Hugh Jackman has seen but one can never tell.

There are so many zombie movies that come out each year that I would need a nanny and an endless supply of rum to watch them all. It’s not that often that I get the chance to sit down and watch them in the first place, so my hope for every zombie film is that it does at least one thing differently that I haven’t already seen ten thousand times.

Synopsis: Years after the zombie apocalypse, humanity has gone back to the way that it once was. There is only one place where the undead can still be found and that is at the safari-like place known as The ReZort. If you have the money, you too can vacation at the beautiful island and kill as many zombies as your heart desires. For some, it is a place to let out aggression. For others, it is a therapeutic place where the past can be confronted and killed. The most recent visitors to the island, however, are in for a completely different experience. And this time the zombies are in control.

• What kind of Zombies are we talking about: There are essentially two kinds of zombies: fast and slow. The Rezort uses the what I consider the best of both worlds. After a person becomes a zombie they run around pretty fast. When they’ve been dead for a while, decomposing and whatnot, they move much more slowly. I’m not a big science guy but that makes some sense.
• The War: The war against the zombies is always the thing I want to see most. World War Z showed us bits but nothing has really come out and shown me all the devastation that I really want to see. The Rezort simply tells us about the war and doesn’t even do a very good job of that. It’s disappointing.
• The Park needs Survivors: Every zombie flick needs its humans. This one features Dougray Scott, Jessica De Gouw, Martin McCann and a few others that never had a chance. Dougray is easily the one that deserves to live the most. I don’t mean that he was a good person, or he always donated his time and money to charity, I say that because he was a really good shot and killed lots of zombies.

• Hurry up and Die: Like every other zombie movie, or even most horror movies, The Rezort has a handful of characters that you just can’t wait to see die. The two in question here are a couple of gaming douchebags who won gaming competitions in order to get a pass to the zombie-killing island. Not surprisingly, they don’t make it.
• Security SNAFU: It only takes about 90 seconds for the entire island to overrun by flesh-eating zombies. The film sets up like a zombified version of Jurassic Park and it only has slightly better security than the theme park filled with dinosaurs. I mean, seriously, what are these people thinking?

• The Feeding: The special effects are solid and there is nothing that left me scratching my head in The Rezort. My biggest problem with the zombies feeding on people was that it didn’t show us much of the carnage. There were too many cutaway scenes and all I really wanted to see was a few zombies chowing down on some people.

If you’ve survived this review, then you can survive a few more Bullet Points:

• Jessica De Gouw’s character went to the ReZort for therapeutic reasons. She’s gonna need every type of therapy in the world after this.
• Director Steve Barker also made the very cool Nazi horror movie Outpost. Check it out.
• Mad respect to Dougray Scott but I just can’t fathom him getting into the crazy good shape that Hugh Jackman has gotten into for the past 17 years.