Damsels: Jennifer Connelly – The Rocketeer

With the unbelievable looks of a young Elizabeth Taylor, the lovely sounding voice of a Judy Garland, and the remarkably juicy breasts of a Cassandra Peterson, Jennifer Connelly’s character from The Rocketeer did more for the American people post-depression than 1000 FDR New Deals.

Despite what you may think you have seen Jennifer Connelly do in movies like Requiem for a Dream, she’s the innocent and darling dream that every man wishes he could take home to mom and pop. She’s the type of girl that soldiers painted on the sides of their planes, named their ships after, and carried pictures of when they were fighting against those damned Nazis.

There’s no doubt that Jennifer’s Jenny Blake was a tasty treat in The Rocketeer. She was the muse for hero Cliff and the main reason why he spent most of the movie trying to look cool enough to stop her from running away with 80’s James Bond. Whether Billy Campbell could ever win a lady over Timothy Dalton is something that could be argued over for days, but The Rocketeer was further proof that chicks dig guys who wear pointed hats and fly around while they have a bunch of rocket fuel strapped to their backs. ROCK ON!

Sorry Boba Fett, you didn’t do shit in the movies and are the most overrated Sci-Fi character of all time…you get nothing!

Don’t act surprised Jennifer. I hold your affection to the highest esteem and only the greatest of men deserve your attention. The Rocketeer did win in the end, possibly saving America from some rotten fascist Nazi assholes, but that doesn’t mean that he’s the one to deserve you. I mean… I’m a REAL veteran and a multi-time world champion and I’ve spent the last few years as one of the preeminent writers on the action genre, so…