Bullet Points: Independence Day: Resurgence

Nostalgia can only do so much for a film series. The original Independence Day is a very fun movie. The visual effects were outstanding and it had likeable characters that carried the movie. Think about it: Jeff Goldblum was everyone’s favorite from Jurassic Park, Will Smith was on the verge of superstardom, and Bill Pullman played one of the best Presidents in history with arguably the best Ooh Rah speech ever given on film. Fast forward to the current generation of actors and we’re given the leftovers from a bad Hunger Games franchise. Maybe we don’t deserve to beat the aliens…

Synopsis: 20 years after the invasion of planet Earth by a race of aliens which we still know nothing about, a much larger ship returns to finish the job. Lucky for the people of Earth, a group of young pilots, old Jewish scientists, and a former President who looks like the guys from Duck Dynasty stand up to defend the planet.

• Oldies but goodies: It’s easy to say that the best characters in Resurgence are the cast members who decided to return for the film. Yeah, I know, Will Smith decided to make Suicide Squad instead. It was probably a good move seeing as this script was the type of stuff you line the bottom of a bird cage with and that movie is on its way to a long franchise. Goldblum, Pullman, and Brent Spiner were all pretty decent in their limited roles and even though they didn’t give Goldblum anything to do other than “fly around” and act against a green screen, he was still better than the young pups they gave the reins to.
• Young Hollywood: If this was the best that they could do in the way of coming up with actors and characters to save the world then we are in deep trouble. I spent 2 hours thinking to myself about how bad Liam Hemsworth and Usher were in their roles but I’m willing to believe that they are much better than the piece of shit script that they were given. They got rid of the other girl and brought in Maika Monroe only to not give her much to do. Nicolas Wright was funny at times for the comedic relief but comedy shouldn’t be used so much when the planet is 1 minute from being destroyed.

• Just Liam being Liam: Does Liam Hemsworth know how to play any other character? I feel like he has just done the same exact thing in every single movie I’ve seen him in and I’ve hated every one of them. Sorry Liam, Chris is by far the better actor.
• Intros: The introductions to the main characters are something that you see in a shitty Power Rangers show. They all have some sort of romantic thing going on or they have some sad story about being an orphan or something. They also have a middle school rivalry between the two leads! They should have saved a few million dollars and just had Jason David Frank play one of the characters.
• Defend Earth: We’ve had 20 years to prepare for a second invasion and they came up with some real shitty attempts at a defense. Almost as shitty as that Atlanta Falcons defense in the 4th quarter last night! Seriously, though, a couple moon bases and a few satellites are all they could do? They should have called ADT, I bet they have something better than that.
• Let’s save the planet: Maybe I was distracted by the vast amount of alcohol flowing through my veins but the plan to save the Earth once they realize they’re in deep shit made very little sense. There was so much stupid shit happening that I actually forgot the aliens were ALSO trying to drill into the Earth’s crust. Not to mention, why did those guys fly into the mothership and then leave without killing the queen? Once they had the plane they should have pulled a Randy Quaid and crashed into that bitch!

• Oh BTW: Brent Spiner’s character is now gay and the President is a woman. You know, because that hasn’t been done before. They snuck those in there ever so subtly, didn’t they? They were just so damned important to the plot. I can just imagine one of the writers in the scripting process saying “We need more diversity and more gay people!”
• Jar Jar: I mentioned that I didn’t hate Nicolas Wright’s character too much but he really was the Jar Jar Binks of this movie.

• Not Starship Troopers: This movie needed a sweet ground battle against the aliens ala Starship Troopers. They teased us in the first film by showing all the aliens on the ship waiting for the invasion but we still never got to see it. The best Resurgence could do was show us a really tall alien that carried a rifle. Kinda sad that they flew all the way here and the Queen was still relegated to shooting at people with an over-sized NERF gun.

The world is saved. You might as well stick around to read these bonus Bullet Points:

• The African dude was a big badass. He was probably the only new character that I didn’t want to open hand slap. He was an entirely unnecessary character for the film but at least he wasn’t a totally worthless human being when the shit hit the fan.
• Lord help us if the last hope for humanity is a handful of 24 year old pilots.
• The War of 1996 has caused the American military to now let soldiers, sailors, and airmen have facial hair. Nothing pisses me off faster than seeing movies where soldiers have goatees and scruff.
• Please don’t make any more of these movies…