Bullet Points: Hard Rain
The temperature here in Ohio was in the 30’s today but it’s supposed to be in the 60’s for the next several days. For all I know, a massive flood like the one in Hard Rain could happen at any time and I need to be ready to defend the contents of an armored truck at a moments notice. I can’t use science to prove man-made climate change but by the end of this review you’ll learn that Christian Slater is an underrated action star no matter how many of his movies are exactly the same. (Seriously, Broken Arrow and Hard Rain are almost the exact same movie!)
Synopsis: Tom (Christian Slater) and Charlie (Edward Asner) are two armored truck security guards who get stranded in the major flood that hits the city of Huntingburg. Soon after their truck gets stuck, they are ambushed by a group of men bent on robbing the truck of the $3 million stashed inside. Tom hides the money away and runs for his life as the robbers led by Jim (Morgan Freeman) chase him through the flooded town.
- Captain Charisma: Similar to former WWE Superstar Christian, Slater has always had an abundance of charisma. I haven’t been spending too much time watching his work in recent years but his past work showcased his smart-ass style perfectly. Hard Rain is one of the movies that gives him an opportunity to be likeable and action-y at the same time.
- A Crew of Idiots: Morgan Freeman plays the leader of the group of robbers, but he’s essentially playing the role of babysitter for most of the film. The guys he has helping him are a collection of morons and characters with special needs. Let’s just say that if you’re gonna pull off a heist you might want to have at least 1 or 2 people with you who aren’t completely worthless.
- Hot Take: I might surprise you with this one (maybe not) but I think that Christian Slater is a better action star than Mark Wahlberg. Hard Rain, Broken Arrow, Robin Hood, Young Guns 2, Kuffs, 3000 Miles to Graceland, True Romance; they’re all very cool action films and I can’t think of one movie where I haven’t wanted to slap Wahlberg across the face. I’ve made no secret of my disdain for Mark so it is easy for me to crap on him but you can’t argue with my analysis of Slater’s resume. Can you?
- Golden Girls gone wild: Betty White and her husband may be the highlight of a movie with several commendable things going for it. Veteran actor Richard Dysart plays the part of Betty White’s husband and he has probably the best line of the movie when he tells White to “shut the f*ck up”.
- Slater the Hero: Tom isn’t the best name for an action hero. In fact, they should have just named him “Slater”. It may have sounded confusing at first but probably no more confusing than the reasoning for why no National Guard or law enforcement showed up at the town; NO ONE CALLED THEM! Seriously, they act like no one outside of the town would know that the entire place is underwater. I’m sure they could have just called him Slater and gotten away with it.
- The Crazy Quaid: We all know the one I’m talking about. Both Dennis and Randy have had long and legendary careers but Randy has turned into quite the loon in recent years. I’m assuming he’s still living off of those Christmas Vacation and ID4 royalties but the man had a great career going before he turned into the Doomsday Prepper Santa. Quaid plays the Sheriff of the small town and let’s just say that he isn’t quite as good as that shield would lead you to believe. When this movie was made in 1998 people still believed that law enforcement were good people but today’s generation would immediately assume that he’s one of the bad guys.
- In My World: If you want to really enjoy this movie then join me in accepting Hard Rain as a pseudo-sequel to the movie Shawshank Redemption. Doesn’t make sense? Well, the events of Hard Rain take place after Red’s release from Shawshank and immediately before his meeting with his good buddy Andy at the end of the film. He needed some way to ensure his future and after meeting a few friends on the “inside”, he came up with the plan to rob the truck when the weather turned sour. He quietly escapes at the end of Hard Rain with a bag of the cash and goes off to meet up with his alleged boyfriend Tim Robbins. Flawless.
Who doesn’t like a couple of bonus Bullet Points? So get out of the water and enjoy.
- John Woo was originally going to direct but Mikael Salomon ended up doing the work. Woo would direct Broken Arrow with Slater and essentially made the same movie.
- Was originally titled “The Flood” but the studio didn’t want people to think it was just another disaster movie.
- Minnie Driver is looking very cute in Hard Rain. She apparently hated filming the movie because of the wet conditions. I would like to make a joke here but I’ve been told that women hate when I make sexual references to things being “wet” or “moist”, so I won’t do it.
