Bullet Points: Kill Ratio
As a lover of the action genre, I’ve learned to find value in even the shittiest of films. The early 90’s taught me that low-budget movies can be great too, especially if you’re looking for some excellent fight scenes or way over the top villains. This style of film has somehow died over the years, though. Many of the actors in the vein of Don “The Dragon” Wilson and Jeff Speakman are figures of the past. Unless you’re named Michael Jai White or Scott Adkins you’re probably not going to be filling that void any time soon. That’s what I thought, at least.
Enter Tom Hopper. I’m not sure what he’s been in other than the pirate show Black Sails and I’ve never seen that, but I can see potential in the man. If I’m grading our “first date” from seeing Kill Ratio… I would probably let him call me again. I mean, who wouldn’t love “Die Hard in a hotel”?
Synopsis: An attack on the new President of a fledgling Eastern European democracy pits an American covert operative against the country’s ruthless military leader determined to seize control of the government.
- Run time: Kill Ratio is a film that checks in at under 85 minutes but the first 15 minutes or so are totally unnecessary. Not only is there no action but there isn’t much in the way of development for our hero James Henderson (Tom Hopper) either. I wanted some small John McClane style scenes where we see him talking to his estranged wife or taking his shoes off.
- MacGruber!: When James finally does start killing faceless goons he does it with the style of SNL’s greatest MacGyver clone; MacGruber! James starts breaking dudes necks and the bone snapping action couldn’t have come any sooner because I was already starting to get bored. Thanks James. Those guys wearing ski masks didn’t have a chance.
- Ski Masks: If you’re not skiing down the slopes with a down jacket on then you shouldn’t be wearing a black ski mask. If you are wearing one then you’re probably a terrorist and are only minutes from being killed by the hero.
- Sad Stories and zzzzz…: The film grabbed my attention with a few broken bones but settles into more of the stuff it started with; boring democracy seeking Eastern European country and blah blah blah. Lacy Moore plays the new President (kinda hot) and Amy Huberman (very hot) plays an American business-lady who gets caught up in the regime change. Eventually they both kicked some serious ass but I can’t be the only one who was itching for some sort of slow motion kissing scene between the two.
- The Action has begun: I learned that hotel pillows make the best silencers ever and that sliding down a laundry chute while punching people is way cooler than it sounds. James starts shooting hiding bodies, all of the women in the movie attempt to evade rape, and the President bleeds all over the white sheets. We also learned that the blonde girl that James tagged earlier in the film (great rack) gets killed by the #2 Henchman whose name I don’t remember. The biggest thing that this movie was lacking was a tough guy henchman like Matthias Hues or Bolo Yeung. James didn’t really have much in the way of competition as he killed his way through the bad guys. In fact, I don’t remember him even getting hurt in the movie.
- Blue Light: I could be wrong but I think I remember them saying that James was “Blue Light” or something. They say that it means he basically has an unlimited amount of people that he can kill as a CIA operative. It all seems kind of stupid because he’s put into a situation where not killing people isn’t really an option. If he had a limit then would he have stopped killing people and just walked away?
- Hopper the Hero: I wasn’t completely sold on Tom Hopper as the hero. He definitely has charisma and the look of a hero but I’m not sure this character is right for him. The script certainly didn’t do him any favors and the amount of edits to the action scenes really hurt him but the finale against the 65 year old man didn’t help either. Hopper needs a better action vehicle where he isn’t wearing a V-neck and sword fighting with senior citizens for the big finish before I’ll be on board. For now, I would say to handle each of his movies with care.
His kill ratio may be unlimited but these Bullet Points aren’t!
- This is the tiniest hotel ever! Every floor looks exactly the same!
- James Henderson gets in lots of shootouts with bad guys in the hallways of the hotel. He’s so certain that he’s the star of the movie and won’t die that he hides behind a desk lamp.
- Blond girl corpsing? Send for the man!
