Women of Action: Jennifer Lopez – Anaconda
It’s hard to remember a time when a dozen movies weren’t released each year featuring massive animals devouring mostly dim-witted attractive people. Of course there were many of them following the release of Jaws in the late 70’s and there have always been sporadic ones like Alligator or Cujo, but it wasn’t until Anaconda in 1997 that the whole monster animal sub-genre really kicked off for me. Maybe it had something to do with this picture….
I’ve always been more of an ass man than anything. Sure, a pretty face is important. And if I’m being honest then I really like a great chest to go along with it. To be perfectly frank, I’m an admirer of many parts of the female form and everything from an hourglass figure to a perfectly placed wisp of hair can be attractive on a woman. They don’t all need to be rail-thin with a Kardashian ass to make them beautiful. In fact, the same things that women always say about the most attractive thing on men (they say a sense of humor but it’s really just self-confidence) is also the most attractive thing about women. Knowing that you’re worth something, whether it’s because you’re sexy as hell or because you’re a kind and gentle person with a terrible singing voice is the ultimate way to gain the attraction you’re looking for. Now….look at this heinie!
JLo had yet to become the massive star and sex symbol in 1997 that she is today and wouldn’t become a household name until Selena came out that year. The fact that she came out of nowhere to lead such a random and cool assortment of characters in Anaconda is a real testament to how the film was cast and how the characters were written for the screen. Lopez was tough as nails as Terri Flores and neither a massive man-eating snake or the unbelievable overacting skills of Jon Voight could bring her down.
Besides for the drenching wet Lopez and the devilishly evil Voight, Anaconda also featured former gangsta rapper Ice Cube, crooked nosed Owen Wilson, the cute-as-a-button Keri Wuhrer, ginger Eric Stoltz, and believe it or not, Danny Trejo. I spent most of the movie hoping for a cool wind to harden up Jennifer’s nips but ended up enjoying the movie for what it was; a movie about a giant snake eating stupid people in the jungle.
I’m not afraid of snakes or anything but don’t you dare put me in a room with a massive Anaconda or I will go straight up Van Damme on that worm!
