Bullet Points: Sword of Heaven

There are some holier than thou types out there that would probably consider taking the time to do a deep dive into the filmography of Tadashi Yamashita as a monumental waste of time… and they would be wrong! Had I not gone down the IMDb rabbit hole looking up the man most famous for playing the Black Star Ninja in Cannon’s American Ninja, I would have never discovered the 1985 film, Sword of Heaven.  

Sword of Heaven tells the tale of sword that was forged from a meteorite that fell from the heavens some 400 years before the events of the movie take place. The sword was then given magical properties to fight evil by some Zen priests, making it the most powerful sword EVER. A sword that powerful is the type of sword you would not want to get into the wrong hands… so of course you know that is exactly what happens.

• The Heroes: Sword of Heaven makes the bold choice of making Tadashi Yamashita the main hero of the film. Tadashi plays a Japanese cop  conveniently named Tadashi. Tadashi is visiting Los Angeles and providing martial arts/self defense training to the cadets at the police academy. While in Los Angeles, Tadashi befriends a stereotypical whiskey drinking, Irish-American cop conveniently named Patrick McChesney (Gerry Gibson). During his off time, Tadashi is quite the dirt bike enthusiast  and it is actually while Tadashi is up in the mountains doing some dirt biking (on a dirt bike he borrowed from his new found friend Patrick) that Tadashi is approached by a frantic Japanese man named Toshiro (who is a descendent to the man the Zen priests first entrusted the sword of heaven to). Toshiro has tracked down the sword of heaven to a private collector in the Los Angeles area and has repossessed it much to the chagrin of said private collector and now Toshiro finds himself on the run. Tadashi offers to help Toshiro escape with the sword, but along the way Toshiro takes a bullet from some of the goons who were after him. Toshiro now entrusts the sword of heaven to Tadashi to keep it safe until he is well enough to return the sword back to Japan. Tadashi and Patrick eventually meet up with Toshiro’s daughter Satoko, who finds herself in the thick of things whether she wanted to be or not.

• The Villains: There are three main villains in Sword of Heaven, first off is the aforementioned private collector who was in possession of the “sword of heaven”, a dirty cop named Cal Johnson. Johnson is sick of the whole justice system and even sicker of the high risk and the low pay that goes with being a police officer so he starts a side hustle where he extorts money from rich guys who like to frequent a certain brothel and can not afford for their public images to be tarnished. If these millionaires don’t pay Johnson the money he demands, he has Dirk (Mel Novak, Game of Death), his hired muscle, kill them with a garotte. Dirk has quite the reputation and it is said that he’d kill a baby with a brick and enjoy it. In addition to doing Johnson’s killing, Dirk is also responsible for training the private army that Johnson has as security on his compound.  The third member of Sword of Heaven’s triangle of terror may be the most despicable of them all… Cain is the guy who runs the brothel and it is his high quality females that are the perfect bait for the rich and powerful to get caught with their pants down… literally. Cain was played by Joe Randazzo, who was one of the producers of the movie and also wrote the screenplay.  And Randazzo made sure to write Cain as one of the most vile characters in action movie history. Cain physically and verbally abuses his employees threatening to pour acid on their faces. And then there was the scene that made me want to track this movie down where Cain sends a wheelchair bound nun plunging to her death.

• The Action: Most of the action at first centers around the forces of evil trying to track down Tadashi and the sword of heaven. The bad guys give chase to the dirt bike riding Tadashi on more than one occasion and they come after him with a variety of vehicles and let me assure you the 80’s saxophone filled chase music is bumping! …We also get the obligatory bar fight when our Japanese and Irish heroes decide to stop in at a redneck bar and chaos follows… And then there’s the grand finale, where Tadashi has to go through all of Johnson’s army of martial artists in order to rescue Satoko. This sets up one of the most satisfying final fights between the movies two martial arts experts, Tadashi and Dirk! Seriously, the Tadashi/Dirk fight delivers in a big way!

When it comes to Sword of Heaven I have no regrets. I do not regret the time spent researching the movie. I do not regret the investment I made when I purchased it on VHS. And I certainly don’t regret watching it and sharing the experience with some of my closest friends. Sword of Heaven is truly a gift from above.

And now a gift from me to you, some Bonus Bullet Points…

• May The Force Be With You: When the “sword of heaven” is at full power and in the right hands it glows like a lightsaber, which makes me wonder if it was Zen Priests or Jedi Masters that infused the sword with power.
• PG Rated Quote: “You scared the pee right out of me.”
• If You Ever: …wanted to see Tadashi Yamashita in drag, then this is the movie for you.
• LOLA: Cain finds out the hard way that the exotic looking woman at the bar is actually Tadashi in drag when he grabs Tadashi’s yamashita.
• Self-Deprecating Quote: “I’m the only Japanese tourist in America who doesn’t have a camera.”
• Montage: When Tadashi and Satoko go out for an afternoon on the town a montage ensues and Sword of Heaven transforms into a Hollywood travelogue circa 1985.
• Insulting Quote: “Hey you, monkey mouth!”
• Grab Them Cakes: Fans of erotic cakes will not be disappointed with Sword of Heaven…