Bullet Points: Hands of Steel

Years after Arnold Schwarzenegger popularized cyborgs in The Terminator, but a few months before Sylvester Stallone flipped the switch in Over the Top, Daniel Greene played an arm wresting cyborg in 1986’s Hands of Steel…

• Ecological Revolution: Hands of Steel takes place in a polluted 1997. The air quality is low, acid rain is a regular occurrence and the world as we know it is falling apart. Reverend Arthur Mosley (Franco Fantasia) is spreading the word that industry is to blame for the destruction of the environment and his message is gaining some serious steam with the citizens of the United States. But not everyone is enamored by Reverend Mosley’s ecological message, most notably wealthy industrialist Francis Turner (John Saxon, Enter the Dragon). Turner, looking to protect his fortune, uses his vast resources to create a cyborg killing machine to take out Mosley with the hopes of preventing an ecological revolution. Turner’s cyborg manages to get to Mosley… but something inside the cyborg prevents him from carrying his assignment out to completion. Reverend Mosley ends up in the hospital after the failed assassination attempt, but is expected to make a full recovery… but what about the cyborg killing machine?

• Cyborg on the Run: We find out our cyborg was at one time a man known as Paco Queruak (Daniel Greene, Uppercut Man). We really don’t know how or why Paco was selected for Turner’s cyborg project but we do know that once Turner’s people get done with him, Paco is 70% machine and only 30% human. Unfortunately for Paco part of that 30% is his horrible name. But fortunately for Paco part of that 30% is his soul and common sense. And it was his soul that prevented Paco from killing the innocent Reverend Mosley and it is thanks to common sense that Paco realizes that the men who created him will be looking to terminate him after he failed at his assigned task. So Paco goes on the run and instinctively goes to his birthplace in Arizona.

• Over the Top: Once he makes his way to The Grand Canyon State, Paco finds himself at a motel/bar operated by a woman named Linda (Janet Agren, Red Sonja). Linda agrees to let Paco stay at the motel in exchange for Paco doing some work for her around the property… this includes Paco chopping and stacking wood in record time… which really impressed Linda. When the work day is done, Paco finds himself arm wrestling with an egotistical asshole named Raul (George Eastman), one of the truck drivers who frequent the bar. Raul does not take the loss well (to put it mildly) and will go on to be a thorn in Paco’s side for the remainder of the movie… A romantic relationship between Paco and Linda is teased, but the producers either felt the world was not ready for a cyborg/human relationship to be depicted on film or Paco’s human 30% did not include the necessary equipment.

• Termination: Francis Turner hires one of Europe’s top assassins Peter Howell (Claudio Cassinelli, Hercules) to hunt down Paco and terminate him… this made me question why Turner just didn’t hire Howell to take out Reverend Mosley instead of going the expensive and untested cyborg route, but maybe that is probably why I am middle management and Francis Turner is at the tippy top of the corporate ladder. Once Howell tracks Paco down at Linda’s motel… Francis (equipped with a frickin’ laser cannon) and an army of his minions hop in some helicopters and make their way to Arizona to back up Howell. While all this is happening, local law enforcement and the FBI are actively looking to find Reverend Mosley’s would be assassin. And let’s not forget that asshole Raul and his big rig! With so many people after him, Paco Queruak is the most wanted cyborg on the planet.

Hands of Steel had its fair share of plot holes, but to me it did not detract from the overall enjoyment of the film, which was among the first films to copy the Terminator formula… but it certainly would not be the last.

Hands of Steel also has a dubious distinction as it proved to be the final film for Italian actor, Claudio Cassinelli. Cassinelli and a helicopter pilot died while filming a scene for the action packed finale of the movie, when the helicopter they were in crashed into the Navajo Bridge ripping the rotor blades off the aircraft. The accident was determined to be caused by pilot error.

I hate to end this review on a down note, so lets lighten the mood with some Bonus Bullet Points…

• Tagline Math: 30% human, 70% robot, 100% lethal.
• Disturbing Quote #1: “It wasn’t especially large, but it felt hard. Extremely hard.” – Reverend Arthur Mosley
  
• AKA: Hands of Steel is known as Fists of Steel in the UK, Arms of Steel in Norway and Hands of Stone in the Netherlands. In France, it is known as Atomic Cyborg, while in Slovenia they just call it Cyborg. In Malaysia the movie was known as Return of the Terminator.
• Disturbing Quote #2: “When I get through with you, you’re going to have wipe your ass with your nose.” – Raul Morales
• Intercontinental Shoot: The majority of Hands of Steel was filmed on location in Arizona, but portions of the movie were filmed in Rome.
• If You Ever: …wanted to see an evil female cyborg that wore shorts made out of Saran Wrap, then this is the movie for you.