Bullet Points: Running Cool

There are some movies that stick with you because they have a memorable name and other movies that stick with you because they have a memorable character. When you can give me a movie that has a memorably named character, then I am in hog heaven. This is exactly the situation that happened to me back in 1993 when I first saw Running Cool and the character named Ironbutt Garrett was forever etched into my brain. It doesn’t hurt that Running Cool is one enjoyable movie (and a rare biker movie with a strong environmental message) and I just happen to have some Bullet Points for the underrated gem. Join me on a ride to 1993’s Running Cool, just don’t forget that if you want to run cool, you’ve got to run heavy fuel.

• Southern States – Running Cool opens at the apex of bike rallies, the famed Sturgis Motorcycle Rally in Sturgis, South Dakota. And what better way to show the shenanigans that happen at the rally (besides the B-roll of motorcycles cruising up and down the street) than with a soggy tits and wet ass competition. That is right, Running Cool sees your wet-T contest and has their own wet T AND A contest. We are also introduced to Bone (Andrew Divoff, Interceptor) and Bear (Bubba Baker) who are having a little fun with a sad excuse for a biker while playing the knife game. I don’t know if it was a stunt stabber, camera trickery, or if Andrew Divoff has exceptional hand eye coordination, but that was some of the finest five finger filleting that I have ever seen. When Bone gets word that his good friend Ironbutt Garrett (James Gammon) is in trouble, Bone and Bear make the trip from South Dakota to South Carolina.

• Bikers are Bad, But Rednecks are Worse – We find out that Ironbutt is in trouble because local South Carolina rich man Calvin Hogg (Paul Gleason, Digital Man) wants Ironbutt’s land to complete a massive real estate project he has in the works. Ironbutt wants to keep his land in part because of the ecological significance besides the fact that his family has been there for generations. That’s right, the man who rides a motorcycle that spits out harmful greenhouse gases really likes birds native to the wetlands on his property. The local populace doesn’t take too kindly to the new scooter trash in town and life becomes difficult for Bone and Bear. You see, Calvin has everyone in the town under his rich thumb, including the Sheriff (Arlen Dean Snyder, Marked for Death,) restaurant owner Big Red (Arnie Cox,) and local tough guy Bubba (BJ Davis, White Ghost.) However, the top goon in Calvin’s arsenal is his own progeny, Blue Hogg (Tracy Sebastian.) First of all, awesome name that is almost as cool as Ironbutt, and second of all, Blue takes things a little more hardcore in trying to scare away the bikers unbeknownst to his father. And while the town doesn’t care for the bikers, they do get a kick out of eight nude men tied up with poison ivy in the bed of a lifted pickup truck which is exactly what happens to Blue’s crew in a failed biker rousting.

• Dig Those Chicks in Leather – Big Red’s daughter, Michele (Dedee Pfeiffer, as it isn’t difficult enough being the younger sister of Michelle Pfeiffer, they name her character Michele… oh, it is spelled different…) works at the restaurant and is sympathetic to the bikers. Perhaps that is because they treat her with respect unlike Blug Hogg who wants badly to show Michele his… let’s just say his last name… and her very own father. In a unique character trait, Michele wears a leg brace from an accident as a child. I say accident, but it was really attempted homicide when her she tried to break up a fight between her mother and Big Red and he summarily threw her down the stairs. The leg brace leads to some scenes you wouldn’t expect to find, like when Michele gets her own handicapable trike and not one but two erotic leg brace scenes.

• The 1st Annual Ironbutt Wetlands Run – Bone promises to help Ironbutt, and he does what any respectable biker would do, create a run to help Ironbutt get the money he needs. Hundreds and hundreds of bikers show up for the run and we are treated to a weenie biting contest (while riding a bike,) balloon tossing (while riding a bike,) tattoos, and greased pig catching in a mud pit (where we also see a man basically get a garden hose enema.) The run is intended to raise enough money for Ironbutt to keep his land, and you better believe that generous folks like bikers raise enough money. However, Blue is not done with the bikers and after he kidnaps Bear (in the midst of having a real good time with a wild biker chick that involved handcuffs and a hotel room) the final showdown between the local rednecks and the bikers is set.

I really enjoy the name Ironbutt, but I like Running Cool even more. It is not the greatest action movie, and it is a little derivative of Road House, but Andrew Divoff and Bubba Baker make for a great team. Paul Gleason knows how to be a bad guy, and in this case he has a heart, and for being the son of the writing, producing and directing team of Beverly and Ferd Sebastian, Tracy does a topnotch job of being the slightly unhinged Blue Hogg. Although I wonder if he even had to audition. There is plenty of action, especially fistfights (with the restaurant brawl at the top), some gun brandishing (but no real shootouts) and even a defenestration, but none of it really stands out as being spectacular and I don’t care because Running Cool follows the adage that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. How many action movies do you know about bikers that invade a town in order to save an ecological habitat and a love story featuring a hard ass biker and a cripple? Did I mention one of the characters is named Ironbutt?

Bonus Bullet Points

• Cool Runnings – I really hope that in 1993 a clueless grandmother went to the local video store and rented Running Cool for her grandkids when they were expecting the Jamaican bobsled movie Cool Runnings. They are both good movies released in 1993 and similar if you subtract Running Cool’s adult language, violence, and nudity.
• Game On – James Gammon can talk with the best of them. I could have used a little more of that distinct voice in Running Cool.
• Best Quote – “I feel like a turd in a punch bowl.”
• If You Ever… wanted to see Andrew Divoff rescue a pelican, then Running Cool is for you.
• Seems a Bit Expensive – “$250 to have a pig right up your ass.”
• Comic Relief – There are a pair of old biddies in the town that provides a little humor to the proceedings. At first they are so disgusted with the bikers due to their appearance, but soon learn to accept the bikers after needing their help to finally championing their ecological cause. One of them gets way too excited when she hears a rumor that bikers have been known to have relations right in the middle of a run.
• No Experience Necessary – The hundreds of bikers were all extras (found in Florida where the movie was filmed) and they looked like they were having a great time, but boy were those bikers some ugly people.