20 Reasons Why You Suck: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

Chad Cruise

FF, 11B, Pro Wrestler, Children's Book Author?? Co-founder of Bulletproof Action and Co-host of The Bulletproof Podcast. Follow Chad on Twitter @ChadCruise

4 Responses

  1. Joe Armstrong says:

    Fellow G.I. Joe fan here, i.e., a kindred spirit. I, too, grew up with the Marvel comics, toys and daily cartoons, which all collectively created and honed the Joe/Cobra story line and mythos, for better or worse.

    Unfortunately, it seems like the number of Joe fans has dwindled to the point where it’s a brand of nostalgia at this point. If you want quality Joe stories, I highly suggest the IDW comics run.

    Having said that, I think this movie was too Hollywood-ized. Too many things were swept under the rug, and I agree with all your points. I’d add: Cobra Commander should have worn a mask throughout; Snake-Eyes shouldn’t have been mute because of his own choice; both sides should have had at least a cursory overview of the team members; and on and on and on. Don’t get me started on the pathetic sequel.

    Great article, by the way.

  2. #21 – The lack of Sgt. Slaughter… they couldn’t give the first ever Joe based on an actual person a cameo? It would have made that training montage a lot better with Sarge barking orders at the pukes!

  3. Chad Cruise says:

    Thanks American Ninja! I think we could all compile a list that might reach triple digits. I must admit that I didn’t hate the sequel as much as you. Mostly because of a better Cobra Commander, Firefly blowing shit up, and proper ninja-ing. It was leaps and bounds ahead of this pile of crap.

    That’s why you’re the Brain! 90 seconds of Sgt. Slaughter giving out to Marlon Wayans and the douche Tatum would have easily made this movie better. Instead…we got Brendan Fraser wearing a beret…

  4. Psyche-Out says:

    Huge Joe fan here too. I hate that this movie is the only exposure to GI Joe that a lot of people have. I know it was rushed and was written quickly right before the writer’s strike but timing isn’t everything, making something clean and good and true to source material is worth a wait. I blame greedy producers for this atrocity.

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