No Surrender Cinema: A Perfect Getaway

Over the past few months, No Surrender Cinema has visited a few tropical locations that turned out to be more trouble than anyone bargained for. When we tagged along with Irene Cara as she became Caged In Paradiso, we had a hard time figuring out just what the hell was going on. Our next stop was Survival Island, an island where not one of the people stranded miles from society actually deserved to be rescued. Well, maybe Kelly Brook did, but just for eye candy’s sake. We’ve now reached our final destination, as our tour of the islands will take us on what’s being called A Perfect Getaway!

First off, let’s tackle the truth in advertising here. Caged In Paradiso (also known as Maximum Security) was about an island prison, and the title was one of the few things it got right despite a severe lack of cages. Survival Island was about a trio of shipwrecked people (two of whom were married) engaging in everything from deceit to attempted murder while trying to find their way back to land. Something tells me that the third time will not be the charm, and that this trip will not be all sunshine and puppy dogs. In fact, I’ll bet $5 that it turns out to be less than perfect!

APG, as I’ll abbreviate it from here on out, is a 2009 thriller featuring an ensemble cast, and set against the sun, sand, and sights of Hawaii. For the most part, the cast are split up as couples; we’ve got newlyweds Cliff and Cydney (Steve Zahn and Milla Jovovich), a pair of drifters named Cleo (Marley Shelton) and Kale (Chris Hemsworth), and the boisterous good ol’ boy Nick (Timothy Olyphant) and his devoted but restless girlfriend Gina (Kiele Sanchez). Sounds like your usual batch of tourist trap stereotypes, right? Wrong! It turns out that the beautiful Hawaiian landscape is being stained with blood, because victims of a double murder were just discovered in Honolulu. Oh, and just to make things extra creepy, each victim had their teeth and fingertips removed. With that knowledge now in their system, anxiety is running high for the group, especially Cliff and Cydney. Cliff especially becomes paranoid of everyone they’ve encountered thus far, but his accusatory eyes tend to look in Cleo and Kale’s direction. Despite their initial trepidation, Cliff and Cydney continue on with Nick (who claims to be an Iraqi war veteran and has that alpha male vibe) and Gina, but when the couple kill a goat and hack it up (with Gina remarking that she once worked in a butcher shop), our newlyweds start to rethink their choice in new friends.

Besides the goat, APG starts to really serve up the suspense in the second act. The movie threw a few red herrings our way in the beginning (a courteous guide being mistaken for a stalking killer, for one thing), but when Cleo and Kale are taken into custody and found to have human teeth on their person, we know that the pretty little bow that wrapped up the story is about to become unraveled. Thanks to the wave of relief that has washed over our happy couples now that the killers have been captured, they head to the beach. Nick and Cliff get into kayaks to go have some guy time, while the girls sit on the beach and bond with each other. It’s here, when everyone is at their most comfortable (both the characters in the movie and the viewing audience) that the rug is pulled out from under us. As Gina looks adoringly at the wedding photos on Cliff and Cydney’s camera, her look changes from adoration, then confusion, then ultimately, fright.

What could be so scary about a few wedding photos? Did someone capture drunk Uncle Arthur trying to look up a bridesmaid’s dress? If only! Turns out what Gina is so taken aback by is the discovery that Cliff and Cydney’s wedding photos don’t actually include the Cliff and Cydney she’s come to know. Flashbacks reveal to us that the “Cliff and Cydney” we were introduced to at the start of APG are a Bonnie and Clyde-esque pair of junkies who kill people and then claim their lives as their own (“Cliff” remarks that this gives them a sense of immortality). That murder that was the main plot point of the film up to this point? The one that Cliff and Cydney were so panicked over? It turns out their panic was nothing more than the paranoia of getting caught, mixed with a bit of drug induced psychosis.

I have to admit, this is the point in the movie where they almost lost me, because it felt like writer/director David Twohy (the man responsible for the Pitch Black/Riddick series) had to pause everything and break it down for the people in the back, just in case they weren’t paying attention. I know that I’m a film buff and have seen more movies than many people may watch in their entire lifetime, but I feel like the ultimate twist in A Perfect Getway can be easily understood even by the most casual of viewers. Sure, it was clever, but The Sixth Sense level of exposition here felt slightly pretentious.

Now that we know who the killers are, the final act turns into a murderous mixed tag team match, with Cydney giving chase to Gina and Cliff attempting to off Nick. The back and forth battle is an intense affair, with both sides getting the upper hand. I enjoyed the inclusion of certain aspects, such as Gina’s phone ringing and her pleading the telemarketer on the other end for help (since she previously could not get a signal on that side of the island), and another group of tourists coming across the carnage. Many times in movies, we only see our main characters carrying the rest of the story, so I thought another group coming through and attempting to help made sense given that this was going on in a popular destination spot. As expected, these characters are just killer filler, because when Cliff’s on the spot excuses fall flat with them, some well-placed bullets put the odds back in his favor. As the bodies begin to pile up, the double whammy of somebody’s surprise survival/arrival and Cydney’s realization that she has always lived her life on Cliff’s terms finally put an end to the dark cloud that’s been looming over paradise since the start of the journey.

I really enjoyed A Perfect Getaway, especially because I didn’t expect much more than a run of the mill popcorn thriller going into it. There was also the pleasant surprise of Steve Zahn playing against type, luring us in with his usual mild mannered schlub characterization only to reveal his true colors as the main killer. It was a nice change of pace seeing the guy most remember from films like That Thing You Do! and Saving Silverman stray from the norm. Jovovich and Sanchez were serviceable in their roles even though Jovovich had to trade in her Resident Evil badassery to become a serial killer with Stockholm Syndrome. Sanchez was another pleasant surprise as I recalled her from a short-lived (as in only 2 episodes aired) ABC time travel show called That Was Then back in 2002, and while I was researching her for this article I was surprised to see that her appearances on Lost were rejected enough that her character was removed pretty quickly. The one who stole the show by far was Timothy Olyphant, who I feel is awesome no matter what role he’s in, but really started sinking his teeth into heroic roles around the time of APG, such as The Crazies and as the main character on Justified. Nobody seemed out of place, though fans of Mr. Hemsworth will want to stick to the MCU, because there isn’t Thor level of screen time here. In fact, Kale and Cleo really only exist to be scapegoats for the killings, and don’t have any real character development aside from looking “off” and being framed.

I don’t know if I’d call my journey through the 100 minute runtime of this film perfect, but it’s on par with your average vacation. The good outweighs the bad, there are a few surprises along the way, and in the end you don’t feel ripped off. A Perfect Getaway finds its strength in an attractive cast, a solid story, and amusing twists. The violence is limited to the murders and the third act showdown between our two surviving couples, but there are some pretty graphic scenes featuring gunshots to the head, and a cringe worthy scene that involves Cliff and a knife. It’s something that definitely looks like it hurts, but by this point you want the bastard to suffer anyways.

A Perfect Getaway can be found on cable almost daily on the Starz family of channels right now, as well as On Demand and the Starz app. It’s also readily available on home media for those who prefer tangible media (like me), and you’ll definitely get your money’s worth if that’s the road you choose. As I wrap up our No Surrender Cinema Summer Sizzler tour, I’ve come to the conclusion that if this is what the islands are like, I’ll stick to channel surfing.