Bullet Points: Samurai Cop

Samurai Cop is a movie that is very special to my heart. I have spent the last several years preaching the word of the Samurai. It is my honor to give Samurai Cop the BPA BULLET POINTS treatment…

• LEATHAL WEAPON: Director Amir Shervan had a dream. He wanted to make his version of Lethal Weapon. White cop. Black cop. Bad guy. But his cops aren’t Riggs and Murtaugh. He cast his version of Riggs with Matt Hannon aka Mathew Karedas as Joe Marshall. Joe has long flowing hair, loves the ladies, speaks fluent Japanese, has the nickname of Samurai and is the toughest cop on the street. Shervan finds his Murtaugh with Mark Frazer as Frank Washington. Frank is a straight up pimp. He provides a lot of comedic relief and he will remind you that he’s an undercover cop. We don’t have Mr. Joshua, but we get the next best thing, Robert Z’Dar as the baddie named Yamashita. Mr. Z’Dar has a beard. It hides his gigantic jaw and chin. He also has a ponytail. I love Mr. Z’Dar and he’s always an amazing baddie. I think he was cast because in one of the movie posters for Samurai Cop, they straight up rip off Maniac Cop. It shows a cop holding a severed head and a sword. You would be confused about Samurai Cop if you based your judgment on the poster. The movie is actually about an evil gang of thugs known as the Katana Gang who go to war with our very own Samurai Cop. 

• THAT HAIR: Sometimes movies are not shot in sequence. Sometimes actors get haircuts when they think filming is complete. Woops! Our favorite Samurai Cop had some scenes left to shoot and his long flowing locks have gone bye-bye. How do you fix your problem? A wig. A wig that looks nothing like his original hairstyle. Just put a hat on and maybe no one will recognize the difference. When you see Matt wearing a hat, think wig. 
• Dumb Dubbing: A lot of cheap movies are shot without sound and dubbed later. What happens when you can’t find your actors to come back and dub? Simple fix. Use a robot voice and have them all ask the same question. Some of the dubbing is painful to the ear drums. The main guys sound fine, but when there’s a random jobber, no dubbing is safe. 

• Code of Silence: The bad guys live by a code. NEVER GET CAUGHT! It is better to kill your own men, than to have them talk to the police. The Katana Gang does a lot of teamkilling. There is an endless supply of bootleg gangsters. It is like they respawn and come back to life. 
• Stuck Door: I laugh a lot in Samurai Cop. The scene that makes me laugh until I cry involves the door that will not open. A henchman you might recognize, Gerald Okamura is about to get it on with a hot chic. The cops are about to bust through the back-sliding door and arrest him. Matt goes to open the door and it will not budge. I don’t think they rehearsed anything. They just rolled with it. He keeps hitting the door and the door is one that should be easy to open. His facial expression is one of pain. He eventually opens the door and catches up with Mr. Okamura and is able to arrest him by putting him in a bootleg version of the Camel Clutch. 

• Hot Ladies Hotter Sex: Who knows how this happened, but there’s some very beautiful naked women in Samurai Cop. The lady you might recognize is Melissa Moore. She plays Peggy the horny police helicopter pilot. She humps our Samurai and she also tries to seduce a policeman with the nickname of Preacher. Even hotter is Jannis Farley. Oh lord! She screams sex. I have no clue why she never acted again. She is sizzling hot in a special birthday scene with our favorite Samurai. He wears a man thong as he sings her Happy Birthday while holding a cake. Shervan shoots this scene like he’s an expert in adult entertainment. High quality nakedness makes Todd a happy movie viewer.
• Z’Dar Butterfly Kisses:  I’m not done with the hotness. Robert Z’Dar gets to make almost love to a fire hot redhead. The way he kisses is probably a crime in at least 50 States. I love Mr. Z’Dar but you’re not human if you don’t laugh at his attempt at sex. 

• The Action Disaster: Most of the action scenes are terrible. Bad gunplay. Awful fights. You don’t care because you’re having the time of your life. You get so pumped to watch the epic Good Samurai vs Bad Samurai sword fight to the death. Matt Hannon vs Robert Z’Dar. Macho men fighting like there is no tomorrow. You don’t care that Matt’s face is for some reason redder than a red crayon. It is an epic fight. A fight for justice, or something like that. 
• The Legacy: I hope you read this review and go out and watch Samurai Cop. You don’t have to win Oscars, to win the hearts of action fans. 

BONUS BULLET POINTS! Here we go!!

• WiFi: My wifi network is named SamuraiCopLives.
• Screensaver: My screensaver on my phone is a Samurai Cop 2 poster.
• Eye Reading: If you want to have sex with hot babes, learn to read eyes.
• Language Class: Katana means Japanese sword in Japanese.
• Stuffed Lion: If you think having a stuffed lion on your wall is cool as hell, not like a lion you hunted and stuffed, but a stuffed animal lion that you would win at the fair, then Samurai Cop might be the movie for you!