Bullet Points: Rambo: Last Blood

If you’re going to have an action movie review website, you better review the latest Rambo movie the first chance you get, or else, what’s the point of reviewing movies? With that, BPA proudly presents BULLET POINTS for Rambo: Last Blood.

• Something worth living for: At the end of the last Rambo, John finally went home. It appears John now has a teenage niece. She is his world. They ride horses. He tells her stories about his life. They hang out in an underground tunnel John built. He makes her a gigantic letter opener. She is his everything. John Rambo has finally found the happiness he has been searching for since he first left home at 17. He does suffer from PTSD, but it appears he has it under control through the use of prescription drugs. What could possibly go wrong?
• Daddy Issues: John’s niece is about to go off to college. But, she has questions about her dad. He left her after her mom died of cancer. I think the mom is John’s sister. The Rambo Family Tree isn’t the clearest puzzle to figure out. She learns her dad is in Mexico. Since she lives in Arizona, she’s only a car ride away. John doesn’t want her to go see him. He is bad news. However, like any teenager with a hint of a rebellious streak, she sneaks away and goes to Mexico to search for her dad.

• Not so happy reunion: Yeah, the family reunion doesn’t go as planned. The dad is a total ass. John’s niece is hurt. Her friend who “found” her dad, suggests they go to the club to let off some steam. You see where this is going: John’s niece gets drugged and sold into sex trafficking slavery.
• Taken Rambo Style: John finds out his niece is missing. John goes to Mexico. John Rambo knows how to get answers and find people. At first, he isn’t successful, and gets the hell beat out of him. Paz Vega happens to be following John, since she’s a reporter with a heart. She nurses him back to health and John takes a hammer and pounds some baddies until he finds his niece. Movie over? All is happy? Let’s go home? Come on, this wouldn’t be a Rambo movie if that was it.
• Something worth killing for: We are not going to have a happy ending with John and his niece. She was injected with so many drugs, she didn’t stand a chance. The beast has been woken up. The killing machine is about to come alive. John Rambo has one thing on his mind: Killing every fool in the room responsible for the tragedy with his niece.
• Revenge: Let’s just say the last act of the movie is where we have most of the action money shot. The baddies are some random bad guys from Mexico led by a couple of brothers. They’re mean. They run a sex trafficking business. They’re simply bad men. John gets their attention and makes it clear where to find him. 

• Tunnel of Death: Oh boy! Don’t follow John Rambo into an underground tunnel. Can you say: Knife to side of head, shotgun blast to eye socket, missing head, bow to face, claymore to skull, amputations like you’re a Civil War surgeon, Death trap, more death traps and finally big boobie traps. The tunnel sequence is insane. John Rambo is simply the baddest man to ever star in 5 Rambo movies.
• Conclusion: Sylvester Stallone was born to play John Rambo. He kicks ass, lots of ass. The only problem is we have no other character worth caring about except for John. The baddies suck. We don’t have the non-stop action the last Rambo brought us. This is a different kind of movie. It has a huge payoff, but action fans will have to wait until the final act to get their money’s worth. I don’t know where the franchise goes from here. This could be the last we see of John Rambo. However, what an incredible ride it has been and Sly still is a badass at 73 years young. 

What? You thought you wouldn’t get BONUS BULLET POINTS? Let’s do this!

• Short haired Rambo: I’ll admit it is hard to get used to John Rambo with short hair. I guess he looked funny with a cowboy hat on and decided to get a haircut?
• Rambo digs rap music: Well, kinda. Who knew?
• Bleeding heart: No, I’m not talking about politics, but an actual bleeding heart in a hand. Hmm, I wonder how this happens?
• Where’s Louis: Louis Mandylor is credited as Sheriff. I didn’t see him. Can someone tell me if he’s in the movie or was his part cut? I did see his name in the closing credits.