Bullet Points: Drifting School
Are you looking for a movie that is confusing? I’m not asking about movies with convoluted plots, but more of a general confusion. Like why and how did it get made? Who is the intended audience? I know those actors, what are they doing here? Why do I end up watching it every time I come across it? These are all the questions I ask myself when watching the perplexing 1995 movie Drifting School. Luckily for you, I just happen to have some Bullet Points for the action sci-fi movie to clear up any confusion, but if you happen to know any of the answers to the above questions, let me know.
- Satellite In My Eyes – A satellite is on course to crash into Los Angeles and it just so happens to be a nuclear powered satellite. NASA warns General Stearn (Henry Silva, Bulletproof) but Stearn is not too upset because, “there are no human beings in Los Angeles, only cock-a-roaches.” With burns like that opening your movie, you are off to a good start, Drifting School. If a nuclear powered satellite crashing into LaLa Land (I got sick burns too, Drifting School) isn’t bad enough, the notorious criminal King (Billy Drago, Convict 762) escapes while getting transferred to a new prison on the same day. King uses his hypnotic powers to aid in his escape and we are treated to a surprisingly action packed shootout on the courthouse steps. I’m starting to remember why I always watch Drifting School.
- Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba-Basketball – Meanwhile, the precocious grade schooler Kenny (Drake Bell) goes to watch his cousin John (Ron Melendez) play in a high school basketball game, coached by Hightower himself, Bubba Smith. Kenny also gets to see Paul, the stereotypical nerd, and John’s girlfriend Nancy, the stereotypical girl next door. During the game, General Stearn orders Star Wars, the Strategic Defense Initiative, not the movie to take out the wayward satellite. The satellite is successfully destroyed… but not before it zaps the entire school and everyone inside of it to the future. How or why? Movie reasons, of course. Did I mention that King was hiding out in the school when the school drifted to the future?
- School’s Out Forever – Everyone in the school thinks it was an earthquake and since it is dark outside and there is no power they decide to wait for help. Not everybody gets along as you can imagine with two rival basketball teams being paired up. After a few dead bodies are discovered and they group discovers the high school is now in the middle of a barren wasteland. It is about this time that King uses his hypnotic ability to take control of one of the teachers and some of the students and this leads to an all out brawl in the cafeteria with one of the teachers presumably getting kicked to death by the students. I’m almost 100% sure why I keep watching Drifting School.
- Sweet But Psycho – Kenny might be the smallest and youngest kid in the school, but he might also be the smartest. Lots of the high school age kids make dumb decisions and not all the adults are around to make better decisions… spoiler alert, I guess. Maybe some of Kenny’s smarts come from his psychic connection he has to his mother in the past. The two can communicate which leads to her planting weapons and medicine in the past and Kenny and his friends finding in the future. It is never explained how any of this works, but I’m positive it has something to do with Kenny and his mother having the same exact haircut.
- Rolling In the Deep – It turns out that the barren wasteland is not quite as barren as the drifters thought. There is a monster that is some sort of evolutionary nightmare that is attacking the humans and King gets to meet the creature first hand. Paul is able to devise a way to stop the creature, but at a cost. It is at this point where Drifting School goes all Sophie’s Choice and I get confused about the intended audience. Drifting School is not afraid to kill off many of its characters and holy crap is the final choice made by the characters tough and heart wrenching.
Drifting School has a little kid as one of the main stars and high school kids as the rest, but there is plenty of violence and creepy characters. You know what, I don’t care why or how Drifting School got made because I like it. The acting is substandard, the plot is all over the place and there is nothing special about the effects, but Drifting School is trying to make a serious movie and I can respect it. I would not respect myself if I didn’t leave you with some Drifting School Bonus Bullet Points.
- Also Known As – You might find Drifting School as the more accurately titled Lost in Time.
- If You Ever – Wanted to stare wantonly into the eyes of Billy Drago you will get plenty of chances in Drifting School.
- Mood Killer – One of the most touching scenes involves John and Nancy having a deep conversation on the outdoor bleachers with the only sounds being their words to each other… and the ambient traffic noise. Traffic noise that shouldn’t exist in the dystopian future.
- Psychic Quote – I enjoy Drifting School, but when it comes to the acting, the movie someone stole a quote I was thinking to myself, “I’m already sick… sick of you.”
- Uncomfortable – King is a scary dude, but when he chases Kenny and Nancy all over Vasquez Rocks, he puts some extra level creepiness as we watch a grown man attempt to catch two kids. None of that can touch the uncomfortable scene of King and Nancy in the truck.
