Bullet Points: Universal Soldier

Jean-Claude Van Damme vs Dolph Lundgren. A main event of action superstars. We didn’t get a lot of these battles back in the day, because in all honestly, someone had to lose. Fortunately, we have Roland Emmerich’s Universal Soldier. I have some trusty Bullet Points to guide you through this badass action flick…

• Rumble in the Jungle: How often do we get a main event fight in the opening scene? JCVD is the face, Luc Deveraux, a soldier in Vietnam who just wants to go home. Dolph is the heel, Andrew Scott, a rogue commanding officer who enjoys killing innocents and working on his ear necklace. These two colossal badass macho men rumble, and pretty much kill each other. Good thing the government likes to cover events like this up. This leads to the creation of the UniSol or Universal Solider program. An undead force of unstoppable commandos who will kill your ass dead. 

• Hoover Dam: I guess these dead super soldiers stayed on ice for over 25 years. However, they show up to save the day when a group of terrorists kidnap some helpless victims at the Hoover Dam. It is damn cool to watch JCVD and Dolph race down the actual dam to kill some fools. (Thank you, Unknown Stunt People.) Somehow, JCVD starts to have memories of his previous life. And guess what? Dolph has these thoughts too. Why don’t the other soldiers have flashbacks? You will have to ask the writers, but this sets up the rest of the film and it all has to do with a very smart news reporter.

• Sweet Ally: One of the strongest women of action is Ms. Ally Walker’s Veronica Roberts. She simply kicks ass. She’s not a princess that needs saving, rather she actually helps JCVD accomplish a lot of important stuff. She loves to chain smoke cigarettes, is great at inspecting dongs, stays cool under pressure and knows when it is time to get the hell out, because you’ve overstayed your welcome at the small town diner. What I also like is she’s a friend to JCVD, not a love interest. Sure, I would’ve loved to have seen her naked, but I like the friends helping friends concept in Universal Solider. 

• Can You Hear Me: If it wasn’t for Ally Walker, there’s a great chance everyone would’ve been cheering for Dolph. He starts to steal the movie when he goes even more psycho than he was at the beginning. He is so damn charming, and his ear necklace is savage. I love how he chases JCVD and Ally through sleazy motels, gas stations and everywhere in between. The UniSols ride around in a giant semi-trailer truck. They smash into everything, and they even have time to eat some raw meat at the supermarket. One of my only complaints is we don’t get to know any of the other UniSols. Yes, there’s Tiny Lister and Ralf Moeller, but there’s zero character development. I guess there’s only enough room for JCVD and Dolph. 

• Bring the Rain: Oh how I love a fight in the rain. Oh how I love a final battle between JCVD and Dolph. When I first watched at the movies, I still remember the crowd going crazy. The fans cheered for both. Hell, I don’t think any of us wanted the fight to end. It was that much fun. The final battle is epic and it is very similar to a well scripted wrestling main event. The good guy looks like he’s about to go down, but then he gets the last bit of energy to help him finish the fight. In my opinion, all movies should end like this. 

Universal Solider deserves your full attention. It is one of the most entertaining action movies of the 1990’s, and since I still have your attention, I will close with some Bonus Bullet Points…

• Deveraux & Scott: Man, both those names kick so much ass. Any of you readers out there ever name a kid after one of them?
• Popcorn: JCVD knows how to chow down. The diner scene where he eats his weight in popcorn is action heaven. 
• Michael Jai White: MJW is credited as a soldier, later in the franchise, he would star in Universal Soldier: The Return as SETH.
• Car cigarette lighter: A reason why I believe these should still be in cars. If you’re ever shot, use a hot cigarette lighter to heal your wound.
• How much wood: How much wood would a woodchipper chip if a woodchipper could chip wood? Answer: You’re discharged Sarge.