Bullet Points: Primal

Like many other action stars of yesteryear, Nicolas Cage has been pumping out direct to video/direct to streaming movies for the past decade or so. Most people think that just because a movie doesn’t get a theatrical release that it isn’t worth their time. Well I’m here to tell you that most movies ARE a waste of time but Primal isn’t one of them. He may not be the Nic Cage of 1996 but he sure does know a thing or two about action.

Synopsis: Frank Walsh (Nic Cage) has captured a white jaguar and is preparing to get rich from the sale when his cargo ship is taken over by an escaped psychopath and ex-assassin for the US Government. Now the hunter has become the hunted and it isn’t just the killer he has to worry about.

• Big cat: There is apparently big money in catching animals and selling them to zoos. That is what Frank Walsh (Nic Cage) does and the reason he’s hanging out in a tree stand in Latin America at the start of the film. He’s some sort of Indiana Jones type who catches rare animals and makes a killing selling them to the highest bidder. A run-in with an albino jaguar causes him to nearly be mauled to death but he eventually captures the kitty and is hellbent on getting back to Mexico to sell the thing and get rich.
• Travel woes: Walsh just has too many animals to fly and he’s not exactly working “on the up and up”, so cruising on a cargo ship is his only way to get to Mexico.

• A busy ship: You wouldn’t believe how many people are trying to get on this cargo ship. Not only is Cage’s Walsh bringing a shitload of dangerous animals but the American Government is also bringing a deadly assassin along as well. Richard Loffler (Kevin Durand) is given the Hannibal Lector treatment and he’s surrounded by a team of contractors but there is no doubt that he is a dangerous man. We learn that he used to work for the gov’t but went rogue and essentially became a terrorist for hire.
• Drunk Nic Cage is a hero: Walsh is still super excited that he’s about to be rich and free of responsibilities. Isn’t that everyone’s dream? To just have a ton of money without anyone expecting something from you? He boozes it up, hits on Famke Jannsen, and then disappears all the while Mr. Loffler devises a not-so-original way to breaking free. It’s certainly not the best scene in the film but I did enjoy Durand as a crazy person.

• Noah’s ark: With Durand loose on the ship it isn’t long before the dangerous and valuable animals are released from their cages and we’re given another reason to be scared. I loved that the movie never goes full on wacky but there are enough elements of that in the film for it to be entertaining for the entire run time. Durand does a pretty swell job of taking out most of the people on the ship and even the animals get in on the action.
• What a way to go: Famke Jannsen and Nic Cage have their little romantic bits in the film but nothing takes away from the fact that there is a killer on board the ship and he isn’t just going to let the folks off at the next stop. Cage and Durand get to have a couple of good scenes together, even one where Cage gets his ass kicked! The film doesn’t ever do anything surprising but it’s still a fun ride to be on with Cage and the gang.

I don’t always do Bonus Bullet Points but sometimes you just need them:

• Ghost Cat would be a sweet Lucha Libra wrestler name.
• This movie took 22 years to get from the script to the filmmaking stage.
• Oringally titled “Persona Non Grata”, which is a terrible name.
• If you’ve ever wanted to see Nic Cage wrangle a snake than this is your movie.

The Verdict: Primal is a much better movie than I expected it to be. Nic Cage probably would have done much better in the role 15 years ago when he moved a little better but his current situation lends more realism to the character of Frank Walsh being a drunkard and a lowlife. The story is simple and Kevin Durand is really good as the villain. I had a hell of a time and if you’re a Cage fan then you have to watch this one.