Bullet Points: Robowar
All it took for me to watch this movie was about 20 seconds of the trailer. I knew instantly it was a knockoff of Predator and I would watch those until the end of time. This one sure seems like it might rip straight from the film and that makes me extra excited to watch it. Here’s hoping that someone, anyone, says “sexual tyrannosaurus”.
Synopsis: A downed military helicopter in the jungle sends an elite rescue team in search. Unknowingly, they find themselves being hunted by a being that isn’t human and they’re forced to fight their way out of the deadly situation with the help of a government stooge and a female escapee. Basically, it’s Predator!
- This is the beginning: I actually liked the opening of the film. It shows a helicopter getting shot down in the jungle and gives us the reason for the rescue team to be sent in the first place.
- I showed up like this: The “Badass mother fuckers” or BAM’s as they’re called in this, show up in a boat and we’re given a brief rundown of who each guy is. The movie takes every opportunity to slide in Predator scenes and this may be the beginning of it all. Unlike Arnold and his men showing up looking all badass, Major Murphy Black (Reb Brown) rolls off the boat looking like he’s in some shit 80’s surf movie.
- Get my shit in: Oh man! Italian director Bruno Mattei must have watched Predator like 50 times in preparation for this film. The first third of the run time is mostly useless except for when they find bodies that have been left behind burnt to a crisp. They look surprisingly good and let us know that the team is in for some hard times.
- “Don’t move”: You can’t steal parts of Predator if you’re Bruno Mattei, you must steal all of it! The team finds a guerrilla camp and attacks the shit out of it. They kill at least 50 men without taking a scratch and Reb Brown even does his best Arnie impression when he knifes a guy to the wall. “Don’t move”….
- Cyborg killer: The cybernetic killing thing (which looks pretty stupid) starts taking out the team one at a time. Not because he’s some sort of hunter with rules but because he’s just not very fast. The team is full of stereotypes like the tracker dude, the company man, the tech/radio dude, a random woman, and then some other guys who stand no chance at survival. Some of the ways they get taken out are super lame. Many of them are off screen with nothing but a yell and the burnt body left behind. I never really got the feeling of fear with the robot dude that I did for the Predator.
- The finish: The remaining members of the team decide they need to take a stand and they do so by building some stupid bunker made of mostly sticks and a small amount of dirt. Not the kind of thing that would stop Roboguy’s laser blaster. They surround the shitty bunker with landmines that do nothing but kill their own people. No action movie is complete without the final showdown between the main star (Reb Brown in this one) and the murderous killing machine but this one takes a couple of extra minutes to slip in some non-Predator emotional stuff. To be honest, I could have done without it.
The Verdict: I’ve always loved watching movies that fall into that knockoff category for some of my favorite films. If your movie reminds me of Aliens, Predator, or something in the vein of Die Hard then I think it’s worth a watch. Robowar isn’t a good film. I can’t point to a single thing that was really well done (except for the dead bodies!!) but it still holds a special charm since it’s so damned close to my favorite movie of all time. Italian cinema has really carved a section out of the action genre over the past 5 or 6 decades and Robowar is one of those movies that is best enjoyed with a cold beverage and a few friends who appreciate the true source material.
