Bullet Points: Solar Attack
Since the dawn of cinema, one of Hollywood’s most tried and true formulas is the disaster movie. The genre really got hot in the 1970’s with movies like The Poseidon Adventure, Earthquake and The Towering Inferno. After sitting out most of the 1980’s the genre saw a resurgence in the 1990’s with movies like Dante’s Peak, Deep Impact and Titanic.
The disasters depicted and the movies themselves have come in all shapes and sizes over the years. From the big budget spectaculars to their lesser budget TV counterparts, like the subject of this edition of Bullet Points… 2006’s Solar Attack, which I am hoping is not a complete disaster.
- Background: Mark Dacascos plays Lucas Foster, a billionaire scientist who branched off on his own, after his former employers at the Solar and Near Earth Lab (SNEL for those in the know) refused to further investigate his theory about the increase in methane gas in the Earth’s upper atmosphere. So Foster’s privately owned company (complete with a logo that might get him some heat with Mark Zuckerberg) is spending nearly 100 million dollars to send a pilot up into the upper atmosphere to get methane readings, proving Foster’s theory. This mission will be accomplished through the use of a Russian bought manned aerospace vehicle (MAV for those in the know).
- Live from Albany it’s SNEL: Over at the Solar and Near Earth Lab in Albany, Lucas’ ex-wife, Joanna Parks (Joanne Kelly) is tracking some unusual CME activity (that’s coronal mass ejections for those not in the know). Meanwhile Joanna’s boss Brad Stamp (Kevin Jubinville, RoboCop: Prime Directives) is watching the coverage of the MAV launch in the SNEL break room with some of his employees and making snarky comments about his former colleague, Lucas Foster. And then disaster strikes… the MAV picks up some dangerously high methane gas readings as it flies into the path of a CME and it is an instant explosion!
- Hail to the Chief: This story is creating a media frenzy and there is one man who wants some damn answers… the President of the United States, Ryan Gordon (Louis Gossett Jr, Iron Eagle). Gordon comes in hot as he gets Brad Stamp of the SNEL on the horn and demands a simple explanation of what is happening since some of the guys in the room may not know the difference between a CME and a BLT… Stamp is seemingly not in the know where the BLT is concerned (it is a Bacon Lettuce and Tomato sandwich by the by). It is Stamp’s belief that the ozone layer will protect the earth from the CME activity (despite the fact that satellites are falling from the sky), but somebody has a differing opinion… that somebody being Lucas Foster of course. Lucas’ theory is that the methane gas in the upper atmosphere will ignite when the CME activity gets close and the swiss cheese like ozone layer will not be able to stop it… thus the sky will be on fire and burn up all the oxygen in our atmosphere. Lucas labels it an ELE. A term I was unfamiliar with, but fortunately President Gordon was in the know and tells us that it stands for extinction level event.
- Sub Plot: Through out the movie there is talk about the nuclear subs of both the United States and Russia. At first I thought it was a relatively meaningless subplot to fill time and add a little more tension to the proceedings… but the subs actually come into play in the third act of the film. Lucas gets the bright idea that a nuclear explosion on the polar ice cap, would send a massive amount of water vapor into the atmosphere and extinguish the solar fire in the sky. Unfortunately satellite communications are down and on top of it, the only sub with enough fire power is a Russian sub. So Lucas does what any billionaire would do, he takes his private jet to Iceland and charters a helicopter in search of the Russian sub, where he hopes to be able to convince them to help save the world… far fetched? Yes. Crazy enough to work? You better believe it!
If you polled a group of Mark Dacascos fans and asked them what their favorite Dacascos movies were, Solar Attack would not make the cut (ask me how I know). Part of that is because Mark and his martial arts skills are so synonymous, that a movie featuring Mark Dacascos where he is not showcasing his martial arts skills automatically feels less than.
But looking at it objectively, martial arts skills are going to be of no use against the power of the sun, so you have to give Solar Attack a pass in that category and judge it for what it really is… a passable made for TV knock off of Armageddon.
Now it is time for some BBP (Bonus Bullet Points for those in the know)…
- Familiar Face: Admiral Lawrence was played by veteran character actor Stephen McHattie. Action fans may recognize McHattie from films like Beverly Hills Cop III and Watchmen or TV shows like Highlander and Walker, Texas Ranger.
- JK Quote: “The media is our friend.”
- Music By: Chuck Cirino, who composed the music for such cult classics as Chopping Mall and Deathstalker II, provided the music for Solar Attack.
- He’s Got My Vote: If Chappie Sinclair were ever on the ballot to be the President of the United States, he’d have my vote.
