Bullet Points: Crackerjack 3
A few years back, I reviewed 1994’s Crackerjack starring Thomas Ian Griffith. The film could best be described as “Die Hard at a Ski Resort” with Thomas Ian Griffith’s Jack Wild in the John McClane spot.
At the time of that review I made it known that I would not be covering Crackerjack 2 solely based on the fact that Judge Reinhold stepped into the role of Jack Wild in the sequel. When that post was published I still had not forgiven Reinhold for playing an action hero named EVAN MINK in an awful film known as Project Human Weapon.
Five years later I can tell you that my grudge against Judge Reinhold remains and I’ve deliberately gone out of sequence and decided to review Crackerjack 3 today… a movie that does not feature Judge Reinhold, Thomas Ian Griffith or have anything to do with either of the previous Crackerjack films.
- Gone Fishing: We meet Jack Thorn (Bo Svenson, Walking Tall Part II) on his last day with the Central Intelligence Agency. Jack is packing up some things, taking phone calls from old friends across the pond and engaging in some playful banter with his beautiful young assistant, Kelly Jones (Amy Weber, Starforce). The mood quickly changes when Thorn’s replacement Marcus Clay (Olivier Gruner, Automatic) pops in to say goodbye to Jack and basically remind Jack that he is old and it is time for him to go fishing. Clay is said to be Canadian, which would explain his French accent, but not why he is working for the CIA, which while I am sure is not impossible, seems improbable. Clay comes off like such a smug asshole here… definitely a side of Olivier Gruner I had not seen before. While Clay is being a prick to Jack and Kelly, news comes in that a neutron bomb was stolen… something the audience was already aware of since the thievery played out during the opening credits… Jack’s instincts take over and he immediately starts coming up with a plan of action but his enthusiasm is short lived as Clay reminds Jack that it is no longer his concern and he needs to leave. As he’s leaving Jack tells Kelly that it is most likely an inside job and she should start looking there.
- New Blood: Jack was right… the theft of the neutron bomb was in fact an inside job but who could have guessed Marcus Clay was the ring leader!?! Clay and some of his counterparts from the global intelligence community have stolen the neutron bomb to disrupt a big economic conference in Germany and Clay’s master plan is to pin it all on Jack Thorn. I don’t believe it was ever explained what Clay had to gain by doing any of this or why he was so hell bent on taking down Jack Thorn but what I gained from this experience is proof that Olivier Gruner made a believable villain and that he should have had more villainous roles over the course of his career. Fortunately for Jack, he still has Kelly on his side and when Marcus starts throwing out accusations that Jack was involved, Kelly knows A) it is bullshit and B) that she has to give her former boss the heads up.
- Revenge of the Old Timers: Jack calls upon some of his former spy buddies from around the world to help him recover the neutron bomb before Clay’s evil plan can come to fruition. Most recognizable among the group of old spies is Jack’s Cuban comrade, Ricky Santeria_Ramos (Leo Rossi, Raw Justice). When Marcus Clay gets word that Jack is coming to Germany to ruin his plans… Marcus ups the ante and kidnaps the lovely Kelly! But Jack and his pack have a secret weapon… garden gnomes!?!?!
That last line should have been a really good indicator that Crackerjack 3 didn’t take itself too seriously.
At times the movie felt like Red, a few years before the graphic novel and a decade before the movie. Other times, it felt like a 2 hour pilot for an action comedy TV show that didn’t get picked up so they dusted it off and slapped the Crackerjack name on it.
As a pure action movie I would give Crackerjack 3 a thumbs down. But as an entertaining diversion, I would give Crackerjack 3 a thumbs up. Which makes Crackerjack 3 a solid thumbs in the middle.
But enough with the hand gestures, lets get into some Bonus Bullet Points…
- Familiar Face: I recognized Amy Weber from her short stint in the mid 2000’s with World Wrestling Entertainment. Weber’s character in the WWE was a member of John Bradshaw Layfield’s “Cabinet”. JBL was one of the top villains in the company at the time and Amy played his image consultant. It didn’t take long for Weber to realize the wrestling biz and life on the road were not for her… instead of notifying the front office, she famously gave her notice to her story line boss, JBL.
- Neutron Dance: You would think a group of retired spies from the Cold War era wold have knowledge on how to detonate a neutron bomb… but that’s not the case. Fortunately, a young boy who paints garden gnomes with his friends was able to step in and give Jack Thorn the 411 on how to detonate the X47J2B neutron bomb. The boy said he picked up this information on the web and from watching Men in Black. After the kid drops the MIB line, some generic MIB like music starts to play… well done Crackerjack 3, well done!
- Missed Opportunity: One of the running gags in the movie is that Jack Thorn doesn’t know how to work the cell phone that Kelly bought him as a going away gift. The fact that Bo Svenson did not parlay this into becoming a spokesperson for Consumer Cellular is a missed opportunity and a damn shame.
