Bullet Points: Fist of the North Star (1986)

I’m the first person to admit that I don’t know two shits about anime. I know that it exists, has a massive following around the world, and that most of the female characters would have some serious lower back problems if they were real people. That doesn’t mean that I don’t see the value in it. I’ve definitely seen bits and pieces of different anime shows and films over the years but have never been hooked enough to really invest myself in them. Fist of the North Star is the type of film that could change that. Or, at least that’s what I’m told.

Synopsis: A practitioner of the deadly martial art “Hokuto Shinken” allies with two children and an expert in “Nanto Suicho-Ken” to fight against the rivals who kidnapped his lover and threaten the prosperity of mankind.

• The world they live in: A nuclear holocaust has rendered technology useless and decimated the population. What a bummer? Kenshiro is the Fist of the North Star. When we meet him he’s just cruising around with his soon-to-be wife Julia talking about how much in love they are. That doesn’t bode well for them. The environment is totally crap. No plants growing and the water supply is toxic. It’s very much the world that you’ve seen in Mad Max and other post-apocalyptic movies.
• Fist of the South Star: Nothing gold ever stays. Kenshiro and Julia are interrupted by Shin, the Fist of the South Star. They’ve lived in peace for years and have even been friends for a long time but now Shin is super horny for Julia and is willing to ruin everything they’ve built to get him some of that. Ken and Shin end up fighting but Shin beats the tar out of him, shoving his fingers into his chest like he was made of Gak. What an A-hole!

• Bearded and totally badass: Some time later, (I actually don’t know how much) Kenshiro shows back up to rescue a couple of kids from some marauding bandits. He’s fully bearded up and looks sweet as hell. If only he had been wearing a killer leather jacket his transformation into the master of revenge would have been complete. No matter, he’s super powerful now and dispatches the bandits in a way that leaves all of their brains oozing onto the desert ground. Ken is still nursing some scars but seems to have totally healed and is hellbent on finding Julia and laying a super-duper smackdown on Shin. The levels of violence from this point in the film on is so gruesomely awesome that you’ll know right away if it’s for you. If the way these guys heads explode doesn’t make you smile then you’ll be in for a long road ahead.
• The Pretender and the King: Since Ken was tossed from a cliff by a couple of his “brothers”, they’ve both since taken on new roles in the shit world that they live in. Jagy, the smaller of the two, wears a mask (because of Ken!) and essentially pretends to be the missing Fist of the North Star. Raoh (the bigger, dumber one) builds an army and goes about conquering the hell out of everything. He’s crazy strong now that he’s taken on the powers of the Fist of the North Star but Kenshiro doesn’t really care at this point.

• The fall of Shin: Poor lady-haired Shin. No matter what he gives to sweet Julia she just isn’t willing to be the woman he wants and quit dead-fishing him in bed. Shin’s city is by far the best that we see, too. They have decent water, usable soil, and I thought I saw some guys wearing berets. Too bad for him that Raoh is planning to wipe his ass with those berets and realizes that taking Julia into his custody is a sure-fire way to get Kenshiro to come after him. Shin turns out to be nothing but a whiney bitch and he goes out like one once Ken shows up.
• An unbelievable showdown: During Ken’s journey he explodes lots of heads, rips through like 4 shirts, and makes friends with the little kids and a guy named Rei. He was also looking for some payback on Jagy and ended up being a loyal dude to Ken even though that is a losing battle. Kenshiro finally confronts Raoh, who is on horseback, and the two of them commence beating the stuffing out of each other for about 10 minutes. They may not have much fresh water but hopefully they have a serious stock of usable blood because both men bleed enough to fill an Olympic swimming pool. I could watch this shit forever! The amount of chaos in these fight scenes is great and Raoh turns out to not be as bad as some of the other folks in this world.

• The quest continues: Believe me when I say that Fist of the North Star has the epic violence that you are only gonna see in a Takashi Miike film or in something animated. My goodness…. Most of the characters are awful people but many of them end up in different pieces by the end so the world might be okay, after all. The story isn’t something that is going to blow you away but I’m not asking for my cartoons (that’s what I call them) to be totally mind-bending to be good. Fist is so cool that I immediately went online to buy some collectibles from the series. Now, I just need to wait a few years for my son to be old enough not to have nightmares from it.

The Verdict: 1986’s Fist of the North Star is a wild ride! I am definitely not an “anime guy”, but this is one of the few times that I could see myself seeking out more from the characters. It doesn’t hurt that this is something of a classic anime that is often thought of as one of the better ones out there so getting through it and enjoying it isn’t some incredible feat. The violence and brutality of the movie isn’t something that I expected and it’s something that could only be possible in this medium. You’re not going to see a live action film with all of the gore and nonsense that we get here. I also don’t think the story works as well when it’s real people since the idea of someone one-punch killing that many dudes is kind of ridiculous. No matter, this film is bonkers in a good way and I’m sure there is an excellent drinking game to be played every time someone gets annihilated on screen. Try it and let me know how it goes!