You Should Be Watching: Hard Ticket to Hawaii
Andy Sidaris is my favorite director. I first discovered Andy and his movies on Joe Bob Briggs’ late night show on The Movie Channel. I loved Andy when I was a teenager, and I still love him today. Hard Ticket to Hawaii is Andy’s most famous film, and I’m here to give you 5 reasons why you should watch.
#1. We have nudity by the time you can count to 100.
If you like hot women and boobs, then Hard Ticket to Hawaii is for you. Andy was notorious for casting voluptuous Playboy Playmates in leading roles. We have Dona Speir in the lead. She has big guns, and she gets it on with Ronn Moss from The Bold and the Beautiful. You see, Dona plays undercover DEA Agent Donna. She’s out busting bad guys and busting out of her clothes. We have a fair amount of nakedness throughout. But, done in a very tasteful way.
#2. You can be a civilian and be in witness protection, but still work for the DEA and help catch bad guys.
Our other lead is Taryn. She’s played by the lovely Hope Marie Carlton. She’s blonde. She’s spunky, and she’s in witness protection. I believe she testified against a mobster, and now she’s hanging with Donna, and she’s gets in on the action too. We see her naked very quickly. I believe she gets naked at an outside shower, a jacuzzi and has sex on the beach. I guess the government decided it is safer to let her try to recover some stolen diamonds. That’s the plot for Hard Ticket to Hawaii: Donna and Taryn accidentally find some diamonds that belong to a bad guy with a gigantic fear of snakes. More on snakes later.
#3. The theme song kicks so much ass it hurts.
Hard Ticket to Hawaii’s theme song is titled “Hard Ticket to Hawaii.” It has a catchy chorus you can sing over and over again. We first hear it when Donna and Taryn are flying a newlywed couple in their airplane. Being an undercover agent is tough work, especially when your cover involves flying people around Hawaii. Oh yeah, there’s a giant snake on board as well. More on snakes later.
#4. Frisbees, Skateboards and Bazookas make quite the trio.
If you ever dive into the Sidaris movies, you will notice people die in very creative ways. We have a skateboarding bad guy with a blowup doll fetish get blown to hell with a bazooka, and we have a frisbee that fucks up a bad guy named Shades, in one of the most brutal games of catch frisbee I’ve ever seen. You will notice in later films the RC car becomes a weapon of choice as well. The bazooka is used at least 4 times by the good guys. If you’re going to kill someone, you might as well use a bazooka to make sure the job gets done.
#5. A giant snake jumps out of a toilet.
A glorious snake plays a vital role in Hard Ticket to Hawaii. It kills newlyweds. It scares the main bad guy to almost death, and it is gloriously made without the hint of CGI. Some creative minds designed a killer snake that looks like a Giant King Cobra with the biggest fangs you’ve ever seen. It is so realistic, I couldn’t believe it when I found out it was fake. I was on the Andy Sidaris episode of The Bulletproof Podcast and my MVP for Hard Ticket to Hawaii was the snake. I love that big ole snake.
I hope you find the time to check out the films of Andy Sidaris. Hard Ticket to Hawaii is the perfect film to start with, and I’ve just given you 5 good reasons why you should watch.
