You Should Be Watching: Chopping Mall
Chopping Mall is one of those horror movies that has a little bit of everything. We have killer robots, horny teenagers, cool practical effects, hot nudity and lots of explosive action. I could talk for hours about this little creation directed by Jim Wynorski and produced by Julie Corman, the wife of Roger Corman. Instead, I’ll give you 5 reasons why you should watch.
#1. The way Chopping Mall fools me every single time I watch it.
We have a character named Mike, and I love his story. He has a rad short mullet, and he enjoys smacking his gum like a fool. Mike looks like a prototypical horror movie victim from the ‘80s, and he has the smile to go with his charm. You want Mike to live, but sadly he is the first to go. I blame cigarette machines. Each time I watch Chopping Mall I think he might actually survive, but the same result happens each viewing. Even though I think Mike is cool as hell, the rest of the cast is pretty awesome too.
#2. Speaking of the cast, you could make the argument that Chopping Mall is a first date from Hell movie for Alison and Ferdy.
First off, who names their child Ferdy? Nerdy Ferdy. I just had to say it. We have 4 couples, but only one is on a blind date. We have firecracker waitress, Alison. She’s played by the awesome as awesome can be Kelli Maroney. You don’t realize how tough she is, until the shit gets real. Thank God her Dad is a Marine. She’s on a blind date with furniture salesman, Ferdy. He can kinda shoot a gun too. Thank Heaven he’s seen Dirty Harry 24 times. Ferdy isn’t a total nerd, but he’s definitely not the most alpha of the group. However, they do make a very cute couple, and you do cheer for them to survive the night.
#3. The kids can actually fight, and they try their best against the killer robots.
I know the amazing readers of Bulletproof Action know all about horror movie victims. They have sex. They do dumb shit. They die. They exist to be murdered by the killer. Character development is rare, and a lot of the time you cheer for the killer. This isn’t the case in Chopping Mall. Fuck those robots! I could say something positive about every character. Perhaps, I will go into more detail on a future episode of the Bulletproof Podcast. These kids don’t quit. These kids fight like hell to survive. They even talk about sending a Rambo-gram. It is amazing the weapons you can find in a sporting goods store at the mall. Perhaps, the weapons are so cool due to the name of the store, Peckinpah’s. It is almost like The Wild Bunch came to the shopping mall. A huge shoutout to Rick and Linda. Both are strong, and I wish I could rewrite their fate. The only aspect of Chopping Mall I would change would be the kill order of the kids.
#4. Barbara Crampton makes all movies better.
The ageless Barbara Crampton always acts so cool. Have you seen her lately? She looks 30. She hasn’t aged since 1988. She’s also a super positive follow on Twitter. She has one of the best attitudes in all of Hollywood. She is class with a capital C. Barbara plays Suzie Lynn. Sweet Suzie even has a nice and very classy nude scene. She also talks about getting French Fried by the killer robots. Any fan of Barbara Crampton should rush and watch Chopping Mall.
#5. There’s a super rad synth score and killer robots fuck people up.
If my last statement doesn’t sell you, nothing will. I jam to the synth musical score, and I love me some killer robots. We get plenty of great music, and all the kills are well filmed. I admire the practical effects, and there’s never a dull moment in the runtime. It helps when your movie is less than 80 minutes. The robots ain’t no joke, but guess who the last joke it on?
I hope you find the time to check out Chopping Mall. It is one of my favorite action horror movies. It is streaming on Amazon, and there’s a great Blu you can buy too. I’ve given you 5 good reasons why you should watch, but don’t forget to read our 10 Things You Didn’t Know About Chopping Mall written by one of the coolest cats I know, Chris The Brain.
