Bullet Points: Crackerjack 2
At the end of Chris the Brain’s review for Crackerjack, he said that I would have to be the one to review Crackerjack 2. Well, baby… here I am!
Synopsis: A policeman working alone must rescue his girlfriend and a trainload of other hostages from vicious criminals in a mountain tunnel hideout.
- Wild about Jack: A recasting of the main star sees actor Judge Reinhold take over the role of Jack Wild and I have to say that my first impression wasn’t a good one. Nothing about Judge Reinhold screams action hero to me and not even a sweet gun battle to open the movie is enough to get me excited for his run as the main man. We’ll see, I guess.
- Jack’s backstory: So Jack Wild is a veteran cop whose wife was killed 8 years ago in an explosion that was meant for Jack. The man who killed her was named Hans Becker (Karel Roden). I don’t know if that was an attempt to make it even more of a Die Hard ripoff but it certainly seemed that way. Jack definitely blames himself for the loss of his wife in that accident and even though he’s moved on to the sexy Carol Alt, he still wants to give Hans his comeuppance.
- The takeover: This train is not gonna make it from Point A to Point B without some issues. Dana Townsend (Carol Alt) isn’t just Jack Wild’s lady love, she’s also in charge of the wealthy passengers on board this train. It isn’t long before Becker, a mysterious guy named Mr. Smith, and some other folks take over the train by force and start interrogating the passengers.
- Jack and his friend: Lucky for Jack, his former cop friend who was wounded in a Becker explosion also flies a helicopter and is available to get Jack onto the moving train without killing. It’s also good for Jack that that same friend survives to start the process of retrieving Jack and any of the passengers from the tunnel they end up trapped in. Talk about being a good friend…
- Call in the guard: Like most cops in leadership positions in movies like these, this dude is an idiot. You can tell that he’s and idiot cause he argues with Jack constantly and is always wrong about everything. He’s also a douche who is in the National Guard so he takes the opportunity to call in the choppers in order to drop the hammer on the bad guys. Does it work….of course not. When was the last time you saw the National Guard in an action movie actually do something useful?
- Mr. Smith: No, not the Hugo Weaving version but a guy who is a couple of decades older and far less intimidating. His job is to interrogate the passengers for bank account information in order to make the baddies all the more richer and he gets to do the dirty work of killing people while Becker tries and fails to kill Jack over and over again. It’s really kind of sad, to be honest. Jack sneaks onto the train. He sneaks into the area where the prisoners are being held. He sneaks around killing bad guys. It’s mostly just Judge Reinhold sneaking around while Becker sucks at everything.
- Win or die: Judge is not an action star. Watching Crackerjack 2 confirms that without a shadow of a doubt. The finale sees him getting his ass kicked by a 58 year old man. In fact, the true hero of the story has to be Carol Alt’s character. She does so much more to help the passengers and even saves Jack in the end. It also doesn’t hurt that she is in her underwear for a few minutes early in the film. That’s the easy way to win my heart!
The Verdict: Crackerjack 2 is not a good movie. It doesn’t establish any of the characters in the film as people that you should fear/cheer/care about. Judge Reinhold as a hero is about as meh as you can get. The bad guys are just place holders for that line in the script where the hero finally gets to drop a one-liner and kill someone. The action is nothing special beyond that first gun battle and certain characters are totally forgotten once they’ve gotten their usefulness out of the way. This could have been a decent movie if Seagal or Van Damme had starred in it but sadly, they’re not here. Social distance yourself from this puppy and find some other Die Hard ripoff to watch instead.
