Bullet Points: Victor Crowley
The horror saga that is Hatchet has been one of the more exceptional ones to come out this past two decades and, more importantly, is one that I’ve actually seen. The murderous rampage of one Victor Crowley over the course of the first three films is something of a Greek epic in terms of how many people he kills in such a short amount of time. Given the popularity of the series, I think it was only a matter of time before creator Adam Green returned to the character and delivered one more good bloodbath.
Synopsis: Ten years after the events of the original movie, Victor Crowley is mistakenly resurrected and proceeds to kill once more.
- It’s a sequel: Anyone who has watched the Hatchet series knows that the murderous ballad of Victor Crowley wouldn’t end until people finally got sick of watching him kill stereotypical losers. Bringing Crowley back now isn’t some special thing but the way that Adam Green did it, on the 10th anniversary of the original, is pretty sweet. He snuck it in on fans and that is a pretty damned cool thing to do.
- Parry Shen won’t die: You may remember him as one of the tour guides from the first film, or as Justin from the second Hatchet, but it was his role as the EMT Andrew from Hatchet 3 that brought him back for one more terror. Andrew was one of the only survivors of the third film after hiding (smart) and now he’s back to do the book tour.
- Still the safest way to travel: All of the characters are a part of two groups; a talk-show documenting Andrew’s return to the scene of the massacre, and the the small group trying to make a short film about the massacre. The television crew are riding in a small plane that crashes in the swamps where Crowley would normally roam. It’s a good thing he’s been dead for 10 years….
- YouTube it: Well, shit. If you’re anything like me, you’ve looked on YouTube countless times to learn how to do things in your everyday life. Putting in a car seat? YouTube it. Changing out your radiator in your old Buick? YouTube it. Learning to pleasure…uh, nevermind. The point is that pretty much anything and everything is available on that stupid site and its magical incantations cause Victor Crowley to rise from the dead and return to his killing ways.
- Waiting to die: Victor Crowley is a different film than its predecessors. None of them were bursting at the seams with character development and story but this one really seems like it is missing something. The character of Andrew is memorable since Parry Shen is in all of the movies but no one really cares whether he lives or dies and probably is just expecting him to get killed at this point. I like the fact that the actor continues to appear in these movies as different characters but Andrew and his followers don’t add much to the film here. They essentially just hang out until Victor starts offing them one by one.
- Release Him: Speaking of Victor, the best part of the Hatchet series has to be the inventive way that he kills people. There is always some tool or limb-ripping scene where Crowley gets to show off why he’s far superior to these other slasher lame-o’s. The shame of this film is that he never gets a chance to expand upon that killing knowledge and instead just chops people up with his hatchet or rips off a few limbs.
- A Crowley-proof plane: Planes are not made of the most indestructible material around. Especially those little ones that only hold 20 people. It’s a shame that most of this film takes place inside of the plane with the survivors trying to find a way out but it’s more a shame because the idea that Victor Crowley couldn’t make it inside is laughable. He would have ripped through that puppy in no time flat.
- Dillion time: Dave Sheridan’s Dillion is totally the hero of the film. He’s the only one that doesn’t suck in a major way and he’s the only guy trying to help the others without just thinking of himself. It also doesn’t hurt that he’s the funniest character in the film and the most likable. Did I mention that Dave Sheridan is great?
The Verdict: I wish I could say that Victor Crowley was a return to form after Hatchet 3 but it just isn’t. None of the characters ever get to the point where you’ll care about them and the biggest mistake that any slasher film can is make is to not let your killer destroy some people. VC gives us a chance to continue on with the series but let’s hope that if Adam Green and company get another crack at this that they’ll bring their “A game”. Watch it if you’re a big fan of the series but definitely don’t start here. It’ll just turn you off.
