Bullet Points: Nightmare at Noon

They say that one man’s dream is another man’s nightmare. While I can see that being a truth, I want to know if the opposite holds true. Is one man’s nightmare another man’s dream? There is only one way to find out and that is with the 1988 action sci-fi horror film Nightmare at Noon. Luckily for you, there is no reason to doze off because I have some Bullet Points for Nightmare at Noon.

• Planet of the APE – Nightmare at Noon opens in Canyonland County Utah with the Agency for the Protection of the Environment, APE for those in the know, doing a little night time experiment by the local water source. The APE is led by a silent (except for a laugh and some grunts) Brion James (Hong Kong 97) all dressed in white with matching pallor and hair. James is credited only as The Albino, which explains his appearance, but not the lack of speaking or what exactly is going on with the experiment or who the APE actually is. The APE puts some green goo into the water and kills a man just for driving by. We may not know a lot about the APE but we learn quickly they are up to no good.

• Winging It – Ken Griffiths (Wings Hauser, Deadly Force) is an entertainment attorney who is looking to get away for a week with his wife Cheri (Kimberly Beck, Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter) in their luxury RV. The Griffiths decide to pick up a hitchhiker who turns out to be Reilly (Bo Hopkins, Trapper County War). The trio decide to stop for breakfast in Canyonland and we soon find out that it wasn’t a good idea. The green liquid makes anyone who drinks the water go crazy and extra murdery. One of the patrons at the cafe goes all nutso and we get to witness the first cousin of the bar fight, the restaurant fight! The ruckus also allows us to meet Sheriff Hanks (George Kennedy, The Delta Force) and his daughter deputy Julia (Kimberly Ross).

• Small Town Life – You may be thinking that a few people going crazy in a town wouldn’t be hard to avoid, and you would be correct. That is if The Albino didn’t jam all communications and surround the town with a magnetic field allowing no one to get out or to call for help. The Albino may be dumb, but he isn’t stupid. The crazies provide the most fun in Nightmare at Noon because they are trying to cause the most chaos, which includes attempted murder by knife, gun, motorcycle and automobile. The stunt driving and explosions are particularly entertaining. Cheri had water at breakfast, not good for her, but Ken and Reilly had beer. If I have said it once, I have said it a thousand times, always have beer with breakfast. Cheri goes nuts on the deputy, but Ken is able to get her into a holding cell before she hurts anyone or herself. Sheriff and Deputy Hanks, Ken and Reilly are the only ones who can stop the APE.

• Day Terrors – Our heroes figure out the APE is behind the experiment and go on the hunt to track them down. They find this out because the APE comes into the town at night when the experiment is over to clean up. And by cleaning up I mean taking flamethrowers to everyone and everything in sight. I should have known flamethrowers would be the best to stop crazy people. One problem for Sheriff Hanks is that he had coffee for breakfast. Coffee made with… water. Not good for him, but it allows the audience to witness a truly heroic sacrifice. Ken gets a non-lethal wound and Julia has to tend to him which leads to an epic showdown between Reilly and The Albino. An epic showdown that is made even more epic by the inclusion of helicopters.

Nightmare at Noon is definitely not a nightmare. Is it a dream movie? That is up to you, but I definitely think watching Brion James and Wings Hauser on horseback is a dream scenario. The action with all the crazy people going nuts on the town is over the top and sometimes a bit comical, but the tension ratchets up in the finale. The unique characters add to Nightmare at Noon with the smarmy Ken and his lascivious wife Cheri getting teamed up with the stoic vigilante with a heart of gold Reilly. None of them seemed to like anyone at the beginning only to be best of friends by the end. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I also wouldn’t end the Nightmare at Noon Bullet Points without some Nightmare at Noon Bonus Bullet Points.

• Marquee Moment – The showdown at the drive-in shows High Noon on the marquee. I would have preferred Noon Sunday, but I appreciate the effort.
• Best Jeopardy Quote – “Alright, Alex, I’ll take famous fatalities for $400”
• If You Ever… – Wanted to see George Kennedy shoot a knife wielding priest than Nightmare at Noon is for you.
• Come Again? – Does anyone else hear Candyland when one of the characters says Canyonland.
• We’re Not Gonna Take It Quote – “I handled Twisted Sister. I think I can handle Floyd.”
• RV Extraordinaire – Is there a more 80s RV for a rich LA entertainment attorney to own then the 1986 ElDorado Starfire? No. The answer is no.
• Triple Threat – Nightmare at Noon was written, directed and produced by Nico Mastorakis (Zero Boys) which explains why it is a fun time.