Bullet Points: Fair Game
Do you remember what you were doing 25 years ago this week? Perhaps, you checked out Fair Game at the movies. Why would you do that? The answer is simple: Cindy Crawford.
Just the mention of Cindy brings back some great memories of my adolescence. The Pepsi commercial, the mole on her upper lip, the countless magazine covers, the way she put the Super in supermodel, her failed marriage to Richard Gere, that one time she dressed up like George Washington and her Playboy pictorials. Why not add lead actress in an action movie? What could possibly go wrong? Let us see with this trip down memory lane…
- The Plot: Cindy Crawford is Kate McQueen, a lawyer who is targeted by a ruthless gang of renegade KGB agents. William Baldwin is Det. Max Kirkpatrick, a hot shot cop who will do anything to keep her safe. Believe it or not, Fair Game is based on the same novel as Cobra. I’m sure you know the plot of Cobra, so you should be know what you’re getting into with Fair Game. Both films are very loose adaptations, but it is still a cool fact you can share with your friends the next time you’re eating some cold pizza.
- Here Kitty Kitty: Did you know Cindy Crawford’s character gets shot in the arm and doesn’t realize it? Or, maybe it was just a scratch? She also plays with her pussy… cat. My mind kept laughing as she poured the milk for her kitty, then she’s settles in to watch Headline News, but before she settles in with her pussy… cat for the evening, she goes out on her deck, and, KABOOM… her home is destroyed, but she falls in some body of water. Luckily, Billy Baldwin is close by to rescue her. How did this film get so many Razzie nominations?
- Pizza on Credit: Technology plays a huge role in Fair Game. The Rogue KGB baddies are super hackers on steroids. They know Kate and Max’s every move. They seem to always be one step ahead of them. One of my favorite scenes involves Vasquez from Aliens, a crackhouse turned police safe house and a pizza delivery that ends in Sudden Death. It is also a good advertisement for Domino’s pizza. The slightly obese cop gets his pizza, says if it was Domino’s he would’ve received a discount, and is quickly reminded he would still be alive if he ordered Domino’s, as Vasquez kills him stone cold dead. Kate and Max escape a lot of incidents such as this. They stay on the run. Fair Game is definitely a chase / survive the night type of action flick.
- Sex on a Train: Another awesome scene involves train sex. I’m not going to lie, this was the scene I most remembered as I rewatched Fair Game. Cindy Crawford is topless, but it is the perv KGB merc who steals the scene. This guy has Kate and Max dead to rights. The baddies use their heat seeking vision, you know like Predator uses, to track the horny couple on the train. All he has to do is pull the trigger. But, he wants to see Cindy Crawford’s boobs. So he waits. He smiles. Then Kate notices him as Max is banging her on the train. She quickly grabs Max’s gun. The gun that shoots metal bullets, and kills the baddie before he can pull the trigger. It is a glorious scene.
- The Boat: Somehow a boat in a divorce plays a pivotal part in Fair Game. The baddies are hacking money or stealing money, and it all comes down to a big blast on a boat. You’ve probably seen the scene. Billy and Cindy jumping off the boat, and a giant fireball is behind them. It is so unbelievable, but at the same time, about as glorious as glorious can be. A big shoutout to the baddies. The actors are not the most known villains, but they hold their own. I laughed like hell every time they made a “Silly American” joke.
- Fair Enough: Overall, Fair Game is big dumb fun. Cindy Crawford might not be the greatest actress, but who cares! I’ll let her defend me in court any day of the week. I’m so glad I revisited Fair Game. Here’s hoping you give it a shot too!
Stop! It is Bonus Bullet Points time…
- Directed By: Andrew Sipes. His only movie he ever directed.
- Based on the Novel: A Running Duck by Paula Gosling. You damn right I’m going to read this book.
- Favorite Quote: “I had to cancel my lunch with Donnie Trump”. Said by this lawyer guy to Cindy Crawford.
