Bullet Points: They Call Me Bruce

It was clear from the start of They Call Me Bruce and the opening words of the movie’s theme song that the movie would be a lightning rod of controversy on social media if They Call Me Bruce were to be released in today’s world.

But in 1982, They Call Me Bruce was simply the Bruceploitation version of Airplane! filled with spoofs and send ups. In this edition of Bullet Points, I’ll examine the wackiest Bruceploitation movie I have ever seen so let’s go, go, go…

• The Hero: If one of the clones of Bruce Lee had a baby with Yakov Smirnoff the result would be the star of They Call Me Bruce, Johnny Yune. Yune plays Bruce… at least that is what everyone calls him. Bruce is working as a chef for west coast mob boss Lil Pete (Bill Capizzi) thanks to Bruce’s superior noodle making abilities (that Bruce credits to flour from mainland China). But after Bruce falls ass backwards into thwarting a convenience store robbery with help from some nunchaku and makes the front page of the newspaper as a result, Lil Pete has a different job in mind for Bruce.

• The Plot: Lil Pete has a problem. The feds are killing his drug business. Raid after raid have cost Lil Pete inventory and men, so Pete comes up with a new distribution model, especially now that he believes he has a kung fu master with the same skill level as Bruce Lee under his employee. Lil Pete calls in a trusted member of his organization, Freddy (Raf Mauro) and fills him in on his plan, Freddy will drive Bruce around to deliver “the flour” that Bruce is always raving about to Pete’s associates across the country… including the Boss of Bosses in New York City. What Bruce doesn’t know is that the flour is actually drugs.
• The Women: There are two women trailing Bruce and Freddy from town to town as they make their deliveries… one is Karmen (Margaux Hemingway) the lady love of Lil Pete’s mob rival, Big Al. Karmen’s goal is to sabotage Lil Pete’s plan so she can run the west coast along side Big Al… The other women is a federal agent named Anita (Pam Huntington, Force: Five). Anita befriends Bruce early on in the film, even giving him a necklace… the necklace has a tracking device and microphone, which allows Anita to know exactly where Bruce is at all times and give the feds valuable evidence to shut down the underworld’s drug empire once and for all… a good chunk of the action in They Call Me Bruce is actually Karmen and Anita clashing.

• The References: They Call Me Bruce is filled with nods to well known movies and TV shows … There’s The Godfather-esque music that plays during several scenes featuring Lil Pete and his mafia brethren… Bruce attempts to drink down a glassful of raw eggs ala Rocky Balboa and walks down the street like he is Tony Manero in Saturday Night Fever… Anita even gets a Wonder Woman/Superman moment when she spins inside a phone booth and comes out in full ninja garb.

They Call Me Bruce never takes itself seriously and the misadventures of Bruce and Freddy is pure action comedy cheese. A lot of the comedy doesn’t age well by today’s standards and sensibilities, but you have to remember the time frame the movie was made in and watch in the goofball spirit that movie was intended.

I would be a goofball if I didn’t include some Bonus Bullet Points…

• Familiar Faces: Phil Rubenstein of RoboCop 2 and Tango & Cash fame plays one of the gangsters that Bruce serves spaghetti to at the beginning of the film… John Fujioka of American Ninja and American Samurai fame, plays the master at the dojo that Bruce enrolls in so he can be exactly like his hero Bruce Lee and the man who quickly kicks Bruce out of the dojo… Lastly, TV sitcom fans will recognize Bill Kirchenbauer (Just the Ten of Us) as the Polish Killer and Marsha Warfield (Night Court) as Inmate #2.
• Favorite Quote: “I am a sex object. I always ask women for sex, and they object.” – Bruce
• If You Ever: …wanted to hear Johnny Yune body shame a woman for having small breasts, then They Call Me Bruce is the movie for you.
• Double Impact: Johnny Yune plays Bruce’s grandfather in the flashback scenes. I haven’t seen an actor play his own grandfather since the last time I watched Timerider: The Adventure of Lyle Swann.
• Mama Mia: Mia sings the They Call Me Bruce theme song and I must commend her on the way she hits the line “kung fu dragon”. Every time I hear it, I feel it in my soul.
• Follow Up: Johnny Yune would return for the 1987 sequel, They Still Call Me Bruce.