Bullet Points: The Double 0 Kid

I spy with my little eye a James Bond spoof, ripoff, homage starring Corey Haim. You had me at spy. The Double 0 Kid is a 1992 film with the late Corey Haim as a young spy obsessed Lance Elliot in a world where no one believes he is actually accidently involved in an international espionage. Luckily for us, we get to see it all play out with babes, gadgets and villains of a James Bond film, just scaled down for a slightly younger audience. Luckily for you, I happen to have some Bullet Points for one of the lesser known Corey Haim films, The Double 0 Kid.

• The Double 0 Kid cold opens with a heist and we see two security guards get murdered in cold blood by fake janitors. This may be for a younger audience but it is no kid’s movie.
• Also, if you ever wanted to see Brigitte Nielsen with a floor buffer, then The Double 0 Kid is for you.
• I absolutely LOVE the early computer animated chessboard credits and title screen with the 0 in The Double 0 Kid as a reticle. The knockoff James Bond music is the icing on the cake.
• Corey Haim stars as Lance Elliot, a teenager who is all about spies and luckily manages to have an internship at a very underdefined company known as the Agency.

• Lance’s boss at the Agency is Trout played by Basil Hoffman. Every time I see Basil I can’t help but think about how wrong Jerry was when he made fun of George’s hairpiece.
• We meet Lance’s bratty brother Billy and nutty mother (Karen Black) only for them to not really show up for the rest of the movie. Lance also has a nice inner monologue to explain his thoughts, only for that to not show up for the rest of the movie.
• Lance does have some of the finest 90s hair and duds.
• The Double 0 Kid has one of the better phallic electric pencil sharpening scenes.
• Give me any movie that has John Rhys-Davies and Wallace Shawn as bad guys. Even if one of them dies in an excellent video game death.
• Brigitte Nielsen plays the evil henchwoman with aplomb, but what was she doing casually sitting in that hot tub with a dress on?
• I believe Wallace Shawn as the bespoke computer virus villain named Cashpot.

• The purpose of this computer virus is to take down a plane of world leaders who are trying to pass environmentally sound laws. An international consortium hires Rudi Von Kessenbaum (John Rhys-Davies) to take down the plane… but not just take down, to take down in the Bermuda Triangle.
• Rudi goes to Cashpot to create the virus, and as an aside, how do I become part of an international consortium?
• Lance is tasked by the Agency to deliver a package to Los Angeles. (Are you telling me he wasn’t already there?) And if you don’t believe that package he is delivering is to the same guy that Cashpot needs something from you are a fool.
• Yes, Lance manages to arrive at the office of Sam Wynberg at the exact time Cashpot’s hench people are there and unknowingly leaves with the security card they are looking for.
• Was that Nicole Eggert on roller skates?
• That was a quality hotel room fight with mustard and a telescoping mirror playing big roles.
• 90s street hockey gang attack in a parking garage? Only in The Double 0 Kid.
• Half-way into The Double 0 Kid and it was Nicole Eggert on roller skates as her character Melinda finally meets Lance.
• And when I say meets, I mean that Melinda is roller skating down the middle of the street pushing a shopping cart and Lance ends up in said shopping cart.
• The Double 0 Kid might not be for little kids, but compared to Corey Haim and Nicole Eggert in 1993’s Blown Away it is child’s play.

• Lance and Melinda quickly become close and she joins him on his mission to stop Cashpot.
• Super Soaker flamethrower! A gadget to rival any James Bond film.
• Every time someone in a movie goes into an animal exhibit at a zoo it just makes me want to do it more.  Well, maybe not the alligators.
• Wallace Shawn’s reading of chimpanzees as the deliberate chimp and zees is the only way I will be saying it from now on.
• Cashpot has the best game room and I’d like you to prove me wrong. Rudi might have something different to say.
• I never knew thumb scanning could have me on the edge of my seat until I saw The Double 0 Kid. The electronic chess battle I knew about.
• Helicopters make for great finales.

The Double 0 Kid is a fun movie because of the people involved, not for the story or action. There was a reason Corey Haim was so popular as a youngster and it is because he had charisma and it shows on screen, especially his chemistry with Nicole Eggert. Wallace Shawn knows how to chew the scenery as a villain and we all know what Brigitte Nielsen brings. Basil Hoffman as a pseudo action star? Sure why not. I am feeling generous. The Double 0 Kid might not be for everyone, but if you are nostalgic for some early 90s entertainment that leans heavily into a James Bond style spy film you can do much worse.