Bullet Points: Spare Parts (2020)

Movies haven’t really changed that much over the years. The goal isn’t always to make the greatest film off all time but to get the most amount of eyes on the product as possible. I don’t expect that Spare Parts will make even a long list of the greatest or most successful films but I can see a scenario where someone brings up movies where hot babes stab each other in a makeshift gladiatorial arena and someone brings up this film. It could happen…..

Synopsis: While travelling on their first American tour, Ms. 45, an all-girl punk band, is drugged and kidnapped. They awaken to find their limbs removed and replaced with crude weaponry, and are forced to fight as Gladiators for a sadistic town.

• Low budget Green Room: If you think that the synopsis sounds like Green Room then you’re on the right track. Imagine if the band in Green Room had been captured and then forced to fight one another to appease “the gods”. Spare Parts doesn’t quite have the star power of a Patrick Stewart, either. What it does have, however, is a very good Julian Richings who plays the role of The Emperor very well.
• What the hell?: Ms 45 is quickly introduced as the all-girl band with a whole lot of attitude. We know this because they’re not afraid to play a show in a biker bar, where any action fan knows, a fight is bound to break out at any moment. They take many of the bikers on and end up beating the shit out of several of them. I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes clear out of my head when the dudes started fighting the women but then chuckled quite a bit when the big biker dudes got their asses handed to them. It’s pretty clear what type of film this is and as long as you’re prepared for it you won’t be too disappointed.

• Breaking down in a small town: You should absolutely never break down in small town America. How many horror films start out that way? Even the ladies of Ms. 45 mention the fact that they are not in a good situation. A few minutes later, they are being put to sleep and operated on in order to give them interchangeable weapons-hands.
• The Gridiron: While folks don’t seem to be as interested in the NFL after they went “woke”, the Gridiron of Spare Parts has loads of screaming fans. It’s the makeshift arena built into the scrapyard where the locals come to watch the carnage unfold. The ladies are all herded in there with their new weapons and expected to face twice their number who are wielding objects of their own. Heads are caved in, people are run through, and it’s mostly a fun time since none of the characters really mean that much to me.

• Training and pleasing the gods: The girls are all treated remotely decent but Emma (Emily Alatalo) has it better than the others. That, of course, makes her sister Amy (Michelle Argyris) jealous since the two of them seem to have the type of relationship where they fight about absolutely everything. Between their fights, they are trained by a former pit fighter with various weapons and The Emperor’s son Sam (Jason Rouse) puts in the work to woo Emma into being his lady. She gets her own room and special attention while the rest of the girls share the same shitty room. Sam is a real creep and it’s only a matter of time before he gets some comeuppance.
• The final fight: As you would expect, it all leads to a final showdown in the Gridiron where the dirt gets its fill of the blood. Emma and Amy are finally given the opportunity to work on their sisterly issues and any thoughts of Sam taking over for his father as Emperor of this little hell-hole are put to rest. It’s a pretty standard fight scene like most of the ones in Spare Parts. It isn’t overly complicated choreography and most of it looks like something that a random group of women could muster without much training. If you’re in the mood for a movie where not much thought is required and you can just sit back and enjoy the visual chaos then this is the one for you.

The Verdict: You have to ask yourself what you’re looking for in a movie. If you sit down for a Scorcese film then you might as well be marathoning a Ken Burns documentary or binging an entire season of Band of Brothers on Memorial Day. Who has that kind of time? Some films shouldn’t be any longer than 85 minutes and Spare Parts is exactly that type of film. It isn’t trying to change the way you think about film and there is no reason to watch it other than to see hot chicks with knife hands fighting in a gladiator arena. There! I answered every question you should ever ask with one statement. This movie is about some hot chicks fighting in an old scrapyard with knives and axes for hands. Sure, there is more going on with the relationships and the use of religion as power but who really cares when someone has a chainsaw as an arm? It entertained me for the duration of the film and while I didn’t feel any need to start a blog about the innerworkings of the film, I certainly enjoyed seeing those babes carve each other up.