5 Questions: Cyborg 2
Science fiction movies have been making us question things about reality, humanity, and all sorts of other things that we think we know about ourselves. Cyborg 2: Glass Shadow (huh?) isn’t the type of science fiction movie to drive you to question the “big ideas” about life. Instead, several questions were floating around my head while watching. Five to be exact.
#1. Who thought a sequel to Cyborg would be a good idea?
It wasn’t exactly they type of film that made so much money that a sequel just needed to be done. 1989’s Cyborg wasn’t even a success for Cannon and is often described as JCVD’s worst film of his early career. Hell, when Albert Pyun turns down a sequel you know it must be a really bad idea.
#2. Is it possible for a cyborg to have worse chemistry with a guy?
Certainly hiring a 17 year old Angelina Jolie with no acting resume to speak of isn’t much help. Angie and Elias Koteas, who was 14 years her senior, have a little black hole where there should be some acting ability. Jack Palance is lucky enough not to have his face in the film much but even he could have seen it through that early 90’s computer monitor he was watching them through.
#3. Was the script more than 7 pages long?
Nothing ever happens in Cyborg 2 beyond the first 20 minutes of the film. American and Japanese cyborg manufacturers are battling it out for that sweet, sweet sex robot money and Angie gets her little teen body pumped full of explosive juice. Elias Koteas, who looks more like Angie’s stern father, lusts after her so hard that he risks his life for a little bit of her mainframe.
#4. Was this supposed to be an action movie or what?
I wish I could say that they at least captured the awesome action of the first film but that would be a massive lie. Not having Albert Pyun or Van Damme involved instantly dropped this movie from my radar as a kid and it is so unforgettable that even having the dude who played Casey Jones in a sex scene with a minor didn’t register with me. The action sequences have absolutely no flow and there isn’t a “star” to carry any of the down time.
#5. Billy Drago and Jack Palance walk into a bar…
Okay. That wasn’t so much a question but the opening to a joke which I haven’t written the punchline for. The epic failure that is Cyborg 2 couldn’t even be saved by the excellent villainy of Billy Drago or the deep gravelly voice of Jack Palance. Instead we’re left with a bunch of bad actors who shouldn’t be carrying a film reading a script that should’ve never made it off the desk. It’s trash so if you haven’t seen it since it was released 28 years ago then keep it that way.
