Action Stars Do the Summer Olympics
The Summer Olympics wrapped up this past Sunday and while I couldn’t get enough of the skimpy little outfits the ladies wear or the fat asses of the long jumpers, I was just a tad burned out on the overly dramatic storylines they try to shove into our faces while we watch. We get it… some of the Olympians haven’t had the easiest of times. What I prefer to talk about isn’t that they are the world’s best at their sports but how I’ve gone out and found a handful of action movie characters that I think could wipe the floor with them. And it’s not. Even. Close.
Snake Plissken – Escape from L.A. – Basketball
Snake Plissken- Escape from L.A. – Surfing
A two sport athlete!!! Snake Plissken can do it all!
Maverick and Goose – Top Gun – Sand Volleyball
They may not have come out on top when it came to the title at Top Gun School, but I have no doubt these two could make some serious waves in the 2021 Summer Olympics as a volleyball duo down on the sand.
Bodhi – Point Break – Surfing
What is this? A little competition it seems. If anyone knows how to hit them big waves it has to be this “Ex-President”. Who wouldn’t want to see Bodhi up against Snake in the finals of the big surfing competition?
Forrest Gump – Forrest Gump – Track and Field
Find someone who could beat Forrest in a run. I’ll wait. You could argue that Forrest Gump isn’t an action film (which is correct) but the man won the Congressional Medal of Honor and became a National legend so he can do whatever he wants. Add him to the team.
Tommy Lee – Best of the Best – Taekwondo
Tommy put a big time hurtin’ on the competition way back when the US National Team met South Korea in 1989’s Best of the Best. When it came down to the wire, Tommy Lee is the man that the coach (played by James Earl Jones) put in there against champion Dae Han Park and if not for Tommy’s morality and ability for forgive (his biggest flaws, tbh) the US team would have been strutting away with the titles like Ric Flair. I say we give Tommy one more try to redeem himself and take the old US of A to the top.
Lt. Dale Hawkins – Navy SEALs – Diving
You can go ahead and name the event. I guarantee that no other competitor has jumped from a moving vehicle off of a bridge and into the water. That alone should give him an advantage. If not, then I guess he’ll just have to drag them underwater and drown them like some damned bayou alligator.
