No Surrender Cinema: Immortal Combat
Years before Dana White and the UFC created Fight Island, there was a place out in the middle of the ocean where pro wrestlers, American Gladiators, and world class martial artists gathered in a fight to the death… which could be a problem when some of these people were made into unstoppable killing machines! We’re not playing games in this edition of No Surrender Cinema, because it’s time for combat… Immortal Combat!
Wrestling legend “Rowdy” Roddy Piper and late martial arts icon Sonny Chiba get top billing here, doing the odd couple/buddy cop routine. John Keller (Piper) and JJ Jintani (Chiba) are detectives trying to take down a drug lord, but through a series of unfortunate incidents they wind up running afoul of HybriCo. Just who or what is HybriCo, you ask? They’re a company that specializes in making men immortal. Not just immortal either, but immortal killing machines, with the infamous Signature Killer (Deron McBee, aka Malibu of the original American Gladiators) being their franchise player. They seem to have sound reasoning; this is a large, muscular guy with an obvious psychotic streak, but the more the Signature Killer is on screen running around chanting like Tatanka on a caffeine high, the more I want to leap into my television and deliver some Liu Kang bicycle kicks to him to shut him up.
Good thing for him, I don’t have to get involved, because Keller and JJ have it covered. See, one of their undercovers gets killed, and all clues point to HybriCo’s involvement. Piper decides to head out to the island to investigate under the guise of having some R&R, and ol’ John even manages to make a few new friends along the way. Those friends are Yanagi (Tom “Tiny” Lister aka Zeus from No Holds Barred and wrestling fame) and reporter Karen Keeler. This leads to a cute little detail that helps progress the story, as the character of Karen Keeler was purposely given that name to create some merry mix-up’s that send her into Keller’s arms sooner than later. That’s not something I expected from a film that cast Tiny Lister in a role that was apparently meant for an Asian actor.
Over on Immortal Island (my name, not theirs), experiments are being led by Quinn (Evil-Lyn herself, Meg Foster). This Dr. Quinn is not the type of medicine woman that television character who shared her name was; she’s the mastermind behind these unstoppable killing machines. It’s not long before the happy couple of Keller and Keeler run afoul of Quinn and her cohorts, which leads to the Rowdy One getting into a few brouhaha’s with Quinn’s flunkies, who are decidedly non-immortal glorified security guards wearing Ghostbuster brown uniforms. Keeler is eventually taken captive by Quinn, but Keller is saved by his pal JJ, who has arrived on the island as backup.
Keeler’s captivity is where we get all of the exposition we need, because it just so happens her doctor friend is also a prisoner of Quinn. The good doctor explains that long ago, the Mayans figured out a way to create an invincible army, but in order for these men to become immortal, they had to die first. Quinn is exploiting this concept for her own personal gain, and the interference of the cops and Keeler are making life difficult for her. Not to mention that their latest test subject, Yanagi, is having an immortal crisis of conscience and refuses to kill, complete with crying and blubbering. The Signature Killer puts that to bed by snapping his neck several times (but wait, what about that whole immortality thing?) and now our heroes are running for their lives. This is when Immortal Combat morphs into another edition of the World’s Most Dangerous Game, where the heroes are being hunted throughout the island by the bad guy crew. This whole sequence isn’t as intense as you would think, because Piper is in full-on crazy man mode, running through the jungle with his arms flailing and shouting about his fear of heights and inability to swim as he and JJ try to make their way around a waterfall.
All of this sounds pretty out there, right? If Immortal Combat were a car, insanity would be the gas that keeps it going, and guess what, there’s more! Remember how the whole immortal thing was something discovered by the Mayans? It just so happens that a native girl who befriends our heroes lets them know that the immortals were stopped once before, centuries ago, and it can be done again. When Keller says they’ll get off of the island and get help, she tells him there’s no need…because he and JJ are reincarnated Mayan warriors who will be able to foil Quinn’s plot and save the world! According to her, immortals can be defeated one of two ways; decapitation or fire. This doesn’t stop Keller from trying to go toe to toe with the Signature Killer when he shows up, nor does it stop JJ from shooting him. Maybe it’s because they’re cops that play by their own rules, but if my life was in danger and I knew how to save myself from an invincible murderer, I’d go with the methods that worked previously. I should also mention that at this point in the film Quinn has a crew of ninja warriors in glam rock makeup patrolling the island, and JJ has lifted some of their gear to turn himself into a sort of cyberpunk ninja warrior.
For a movie about immortals and serial killers and loose cannon cops and ancient prophecies, Immortal Combat is rather tame, even in its climax. Each of our heroes takes care of their preferred rival (Keller with the Signature Killer, JJ with Osato, another immortal) in ways foretold by the prophecy, but when JJ goes the Highlander route on Osato, we don’t get to see any of it. The real Mortal Kombat games had more bloodshed than this movie does! Although, if you ever wanted to see an action hero sell a foot injury after kicking his foe in the nuts, then Immortal Combat is what you need in your life… and some may be shocked to know that it’s Chiba, not the perpetually rambunctious Roddy Piper, that does it with gusto.
I remember being PUMPED for Immortal Combat based on the PPV barker channel previews, but at 14 years old I didn’t think that my hard earned money was well spent. It took me years to revisit the film on VHS and I didn’t think much more of it then, and I’m pretty apathetic towards it now. The title is an obvious cash in on the Mortal Kombat craze that was sweeping the nation in the 90’s, though international releases ditch the title in favor of calling it Resort To Kill. Piper and Chiba are entertaining, but so much of Immortal Combat’s runtime just felt more like Desert Bus (look it up) than anything resembling our favorite fatality filled game. The closet we come to it is that one of the ninjas is wearing blue and black that kind of makes him look like Sub-Zero… or more accurately your neighbor’s kid’s homemade Sub Zero costume. There’s just too much padding for a movie that barely makes it past 90 minutes. I came here for some Immortal Combat, damn it… why do I want to see Roddy Piper and Tiny Lister goofing off like drunken frat buddies instantly after meeting each other? Why do I need to know that JJ’s adopted daughter only came into his life because he’s the one who accidentally murdered her mother during a shootout in a subplot that is completely glossed over for the rest of the film? It’s trainwreck television at it’s finest… it’s just too bad it comes as part of an R rated action flick.
If you’re curious about any of this, Immortal Combat just so happens to be available in full on YouTube as of this writing, and occasionally pops up on Tubi. Those of you out there who dare seek out a copy after reading this review will have to hit the secondary market, because the DVD and VHS are both out of print, but each are pretty common and affordable on eBay. The film has a few good moments and it was cool to see Chiba and Piper together, but the only thing that’s undying about Immortal Combat is my disappointment.
