Bullet Points: Bums

Vigilante movies are a dime and dozen, and I am glad they are so cheap because I can’t get enough . It is not because they are always good, but because I find it amazing how many different kinds of movies you can get with the same premise. Vigilante movies need to be really good or have something unique to stick out from the crowd. How about tackling the socio-economic issue of homelessness? When I was alerted to a vigilante movie that features Christopher McDonald training homeless people to become vigilantes, I couldn’t watch fast enough. I made sure to settle down in my most comfortable chair with my favorite snacks and take a look at the 1993 movie Bums. Luckily for you, I happen to have some Bullet Points so we can all enjoy the fun.

• Tush – Christopher McDonald plays Sgt. Andrew Hollman, a man who is on leave from the Army looking for his homeless brother Matt. Andy wants to reconnect with his brother to get Matt to come back with him so he can get his life together. They pair have a heartfelt reunion and everything is copacetic… until Matt gets murdered on the very night of the brotherly reunion. When the cops, with lead detective Kate O’Hara (Dawn Evans) have no evidence they have to let the prime suspect go, Andy realizes it is up to him to get revenge for his brother… with a little help from the streets.
• Rump – Andy quickly befriends Smiley (Haskell Phillips), the homeless man who helped him find Matt. Smiley introduces us to the rest of the homeless population (which seems to be only men) and each has a unique personality trait. It is kind of fun, until you realize you are enjoying the fact that the homeless are probably suffering from some sort of mental illness and homelessness, addiction, and mental health are real world problems.

• Bottom – Smiley is a father figure to the other men, especially to his good friend and mute Scotty, and doesn’t want to get involved in Andy’s revenge plot. Scotty’s unique trait doesn’t come in handy when Scotty is yet another bum murdered and can’t scream for help. Yes, (spoiler alert) we lose poor Scotty but at least that is the impetus for Smiley agreeing to get the homeless to help Andy.
• Seat – The rest of Andy’s team includes Malcolm, a former Marine kicked out of the Corps for fighting with officers who quickly becomes platoon leader after a little attitude adjustment. Animal, another man of few words, but what some might call a good ol’ biggun, of course others might call him a big ol’ goodin. Teach is a former professor and perchance might be the smartest homeless person you will ever see. Sloane is the lock pick and played by personal favorite Matt Mitler. Hayashi is a classic confidence man. Roach claims to be a Vietnam vet with helicopter experience. Spoiler alert, he is not, but Roach is played by Death Wish 3’s Joe Gonzalez which is probably more than enough vigilante experience. What a team!
• Arse – If you think training homeless men to become vigilantes won’t be easy, you would be wrong. There are small minor struggles, like teaching the men how to use shampoo and brush their teeth (nobody told me Bums was going to have comedy!) and getting men who have lost all their work ethic to show some initiative. The real difficulty is finding out why someone keeps killing homeless people (turns out it has to do with money just like their own problems) and whether Andy will get a piece from Kate (turns out he does.)

• End – We finally learn more about the bad guys, and that might be one of the problems with Bums as the bad guy is weak while the real bad guy is the economic system that caused people to become homeless in the first place. Try hating an economic system when watching an action movie… no fun. I don’t want to spoil too much more, but when I heard Animal talk I nearly shat myself it was so exciting. I didn’t, because I have indoor plumbing, but it was still powerful stuff. Not all the bums make it out alive, which makes sense because they are bums and not soldiers, but they still provided some exciting action. They even manage to teach Andy to become a homeless person so he can go undercover. Unsurprisingly, that training is much quicker than Andy teaching the bums to become vigilantes.

Bums is a unique vigilante movie because even though it is about a man getting revenge on his brother’s killer, he uses a team of homeless men to carry out his mission. I also get a kick out of any movie where Christopher McDonald gets a chance to play the hero. The homeless aspect is treated with a lighthearted tone with the men even being proud to be called bums and several jokes at their expense which in reality is nothing to laugh at. There may be a reason you don’t see too many homeless vigilante movies, but I am glad I saw this one. You will be glad that I am leaving you with some Bums Bonus Bullet Points.

• Efficient – Smiley takes a shower with his underwear and t-shirt on and good on him for getting clean and doing his laundry all at once.
• Also Known As – You might find Bums as Street Warriors and although released in 1993, the credits feature a copyright from 1989.
• If You Ever…- Wanted to learn how to get out of a deadly Russian crab hold when wrestling then Bums is for you.
• Worst Euphemism For A Homeless Person Dying – “Another bum bought it” With what money?!?!
• Sterling 825 – I can’t get upset with a movie that features the short lived U.S. car brand Sterling, an odd combination of British and Japanese car manufacturers that was only sold for five years.