Bullet Points: The Long Night
I am sure you won’t be surprised to know that every time there is a mega-hit or blockbuster film to release then we get a slew of knockoff films trying to cash in on them. You’ll see what I mean if you search for “Thor” on Netflix or just look and see how many fake Fast and Furious films there are out there. Sometimes these films are no better than a glorified cosplay fan film and I don’t know about you but I prefer my cosplay in porn.
All of this is to say that I totally thought that Scout Taylor-Compton’s new film The Long Night would be some sort of rip-off from the Game of Thrones lore. Maybe a zombie film during an eclipse or something to do with an invasion from up north. Either way, I was as wrong as one could ever be.
Synopsis: A devoted couple’s quiet weekend takes a bizarre turn when a nightmarish cult and their maniacal leader come to fulfill an apocalyptic prophesy.
- Our major players: Right away we’re introduced to our young protagonists Grace (Scout Taylor-Compton) and Jack (Nolan Gerard Funk). You can tell right away the types that these characters fit into and that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Jack is a rich-boy, silver spoon having, city bitch but at least we don’t have to wonder much about what his fate will ultimately be. Grace, on the other hand, was brought up in the foster system and has been trying to find her biological parents for a decade.
- Vacay time: Grace and Jack end up in the Deep South of America and I can understand that might feel like a different world to someone who grew up in a private school before daddy got him into Princeton, but from my perspective Jack is just the type of guy who isn’t going to enjoy anything resembling “roughing it”. Things instantly don’t feel right for the couple as the man they are intending to meet doesn’t show up and there is a very weird smell in the house. That, my friends, should have been reason enough to get the hell out of there.
- Get your rural on: Director Rich Ragsdale really has an eye for this type of film. The opening third of the film is full of ominous drone shots over the wilderness and a new genre of music that I will now call “creepy shit”. It all made sense after seeing that Ragsdale has cut his teeth in the music video world. Much of the film felt like a lengthened video for some new rock band. We definitely get the feeling that they are in a whole new world and there wasn’t a big blue genie in sight.
- Stalking their prey: It isn’t long into the film that things really start to take a turn for the worse. Snakes start showing up everywhere and Grace keeps doing that gimmick with her eyes that The Undertaker would do after he tombstoned some jabroni. Also, a collection of robed and masked folks surround the house with torches. Nothing good ever starts be having someone with a torch. The couple are mostly in disbelief about what is happening. Is this some sort of prank? Are they trying to scare us? Meanwhile, I would have already been on my third clip from my sidearm.
- Keep running, running: I can imagine that the film crew how a good pair of comfortable shoes since most of this movie is the camera following the actors around as they run from room to room. I think I broke a sweat myself (could’ve been from that scene of Scout in her panties). The cultists aren’t doing a very good job of relaying what they want from the trapped duo but they sure are scaring the bejeezus out of them. Especially when they start getting all supernatural on them and we learn that the leader has some Jean Grey powers.
- I love it when a “plan” comes together: The leader may be no John “Hannibal” Smith, but playing the long game for a period of 400 years takes a serious amount of patience. The duo continue to flee from room to room while the cultists just loiter around the outside like a landscaping crew in the summertime. We slowly start to learn a bit of info as to who these people are outside and what they might be doing there but the real revelation comes when they do eventually apprehend Grace. It’s difficult to talk spoilers with a movie like this since I find it hard to believe that anyone will be surprised by anything that happens in it. As it often happens, a film like this could have been enhanced a bit, in my opinion, by having a few more bodies to pile up.
The Verdict: There were moments where I thought that The Long Night was ramping up for something really wild. All of the pieces to the puzzle were there; the creepy music, the countless drone shots of the wilderness, the strange cultish iconography and weird masks worn by the cloaked assholes in the yard. The problem came when the film finally decided to pay off the set up and whiffed like Pedro Cerrano at a curveball. Scout Taylor-Compton and her boo run in and out of the house like my 7 year old and his friends and none of them ever remember to SHUT THE DOOR! In the end, The Long Night had some interesting ideas along with memorable music but failed to do anything to set itself apart from its predecessors.
