Bullet Points: Gasoline Alley
Gasoline Alley revs up its engine when it is released In Theaters, Digital, and On Demand February 25, 2022 from Saban Films.
- Pillow Talk: Before I get to my Pillow Meter rating, I feel I must address the recent Razzie Awards Nominations. Besides by knowledge of all things Andy Sidaris, I believe I am the critic a lot of you turn to when they want the REAL TRUTH about the latest Bruce Willis movie to hit DTV. My inbox gets flooded when there’s a new poster / press release for Bruce Willis’ latest film. I have embraced this as my legacy. I am honored you turn to me for my Pillow Meter. With all of that out the way: Fuck You, Razzie Awards! You know what’s lazier than Bruce Willis in an Edward Drake directed production? The Razzie Awards creating a category for Bruce. It is lame, unprofessional and mean spirited. Both Scott Eastwood and Mel Gibson received Razzie noms for their work in Dangerous, which is a damn entertaining movie. This tells me the Razzies have an agenda. Bruce’s nominations made international news. But, this is old news. Sure, he received his own category this year, but he was also nominated for all three movies he released in 2020 as well. If I was Bruce Willis, I would light a cigarette, and then give the Razzies the middle finger. I’m not defending Bruce’s laziness. But at the same time, I cover Bruce’s laziness with a somewhat fondness. No one will care about the Razzie Awards afterwards, but a lot of you will continue to watch Bruce Willis movies until he retires.
- Pillow Meter: Sorry for the rant. I had to say what I said. The notorious Pillow Meter is back. The more pillows I award Bruce, the lazier I believe his role is. Head doubles, ear pieces, walking doubles, voice doubles, movement doubles and stunt doubles: We have seen it all in a lot of Bruce’s films. An immediate Red Flag goes up for Gasoline Alley because it is directed and co-written by Edward Drake. It seems Mr. Drake brings the sleeping dust out in Bruce. So, is Gasoline Alley quintessential Lazy Bruce? For once, Bruce is used correctly in Gasoline Alley. The man isn’t running a marathon or trying to act, but he serves his purpose. Bruce plays a cop (imagine that), investigating a quintuple homicide. His partner is Luke Wilson of all people. Bruce lets Luke do most of the talking and investigating (smart move). Their number one suspect is an ex-con played by Devon Sawa. Things quickly are not what they appear, and Sawa will do whatever it takes to clear his name. With all this info, I can say Gasoline Alley is Bruce’s best effort so far in 2022. Sure, we only have American Siege to compare it to, but a win is a win.
- Pillow Score: 2 out of 5 comfy cozy plush pillows.
- The Rest of the Story: Are any of you curious what Gasoline Alley is? It is a tattoo parlor owned by Devon Sawa’s character. Bruce and Luke find his business card at the scene of the crime, and of course, this means Devon must be guilty. Sawa then embarks on a one-man mission to clear his name. He turns to a television actor played by Kenny Wormald of all people. You might be saying “Kenny Who??”, but Kenny was in the Footloose remake over a decade ago and looked like he was headed for instant stardom. It didn’t quite work out that way. Kenny hasn’t acted before Gasoline Alley in close to 5 years. What a film to make a comeback with! It looks like Kenny is cousins with Corey Large; a producer on Gasoline Alley, and a notable name in many recent Bruce Willis movies. Although, Kenny’s role doesn’t do a lot with the flow of the story, it does tell me there’s a chance we see him in more Bruce Willis DTV! Lucky all of us!!! It is also worth noting that former NFL star, Vernon Davis shows up in a supporting role. Good for Vernon. Perhaps, he too will show up in another Bruce Willis movie. And here y’all are thinking only Fast and Furious movies are about FAMILY.
- The Power of the Sawa: With an Edward Drake production, we know we are not getting a perfect product. There’s going to be “time filling” scenes no matter what. American Siege was so much more guilty than Gasoline Alley. With all this, Gasoline Alley is saved by Devon Sawa. This is his movie. If Gasoline Alley took a week to film, Devon was on set every day. I have no clue how long the production lasted. I am just saying Sawa gives effort throughout. He looks badass riding around town looking for the “REAL” killer. The major problem still is the lack of action during the middle part of the movie. We need a solid middle to keep the viewing audience engaged. The ending is satisfying, but by then, is it too late?
- Final Thoughts: Devon Sawa carries Gasoline Alley on his back. Bruce Willis shows up for a day of work. Luke Wilson acts like Luke Wilson. Gasoline Alley isn’t remarkable in any way, but it is watchable.
- Grade: C
Mate, I’ve loved the Pillow Meter, but isn’t it time to put it to rest? Yes, there’s plenty of Lazy Bruce to be found in the past, but, as we’ve just learned, for the last three years head doubles, ear pieces, and tons of other doubles were a necessity because he suffers from aphasia. There have been directors who stopped doing what is by now nothing but Bruceploitation, others, like Drake, didn’t give a fuck about his decling mental abilities, because Bruce’s name above the title is the only reason his shite flicks are making money. Can we see two middle fingers up for Mr. Drake? In the end, Bruce couldn’t even figure out what the film he was starring in was all about. For us a this is heartbreaking. For pondscum like Drake a profit is a profit. If he has to exploit a widely beloved action movie hero for it, he’s all in.