Bullet Points: Twin Dragon Encounter
Last September I reviewed the Canuxploitation flick Dragon Hunt, starring first ballot Canuxploitation Hall of Famers, Martin and Michael McNamara. After watching the so bad I could not turn away movie and finding out it was actually a sequel, I knew I needed to track down the original, 1986’s Twin Dragon Encounter…
- Midnight Run: The movie kicks off with a riveting phone conversation between Marty (Martin McNamara) and his twin brother Mick (Michael McNamara), Marty is wrapping things up at the Twin Dragon Kung Fu Club and asks his brother if he’d like to join him for a late night run. But the brothers end up getting more of a workout than a run would provide when they happen upon a young lady who was out walking her dog being and ended up being harassed and intimidated by a group of thugs… a group of thugs that are moments away from getting their asses handed to them courtesy the Brothers McNamara.
- Real Men: Cue the opening credits and a song that if you told me was the rock anthem in Canada for the year 1986, I’d totally believe you. The song is Billy Butt’s “The Right to Fight” and I believe it would hold its own in a battle with any of Stan Bush’s classics from the era. The song is accompanied by footage of backlit training sessions at Twin Dragon Kung Fu Club and then randomly some scrolling text appears and reads “This is a Martin & Michael McNamara vanity project” …actually it doesn’t say that but it does throw shade on “plastic heroes” and “Hollywood made vigilantes” and refers to the McNamara Twins as REAL MEN.
- Holiday: The Twins are about to head up to Twin Island (they own their own island?!?!) with their girlfriends, Nancy and Tessa, so they load up their sweet Twin Dragon Kung Fu Club vans (yes, they apparently need two vans to transport four people) and start their week long holiday. Once they get on the road, the foursome stop at the Twins’ favorite truck stop to grab some coffee… one of the truckers at the truck stop diner makes the mistake of saying the Twins look like they should be ordering milk and cookies instead of coffee… he gets called a mack truck for his rudeness by one of the Twins (I stopped keeping track about five minutes in of which one was Marty and which one was Mick) and this leads to a slow motion fight… now this isn’t a case of the fight scene looking like the participants were fighting in slow motion (see my recent Expert Weapon review) this was a creative decision to take the fight scene outside the truck stop diner and play it in slow motion.
- You and What Army?: After the excitement at the truck stop it is smooth sailing UNTIL the Twins and their ladies get to the marina where they’ll load up their boat and head out to Twin Island… that’s when they encounter Jake (B. Bob) and members of the People’s Private Army. You know how most action movies will at least attempt to put their heroes in situations where it seems like they aren’t going to be able to win, Twin Dragon Encounter NEVER does that. Marty and Mick beat the People’s Private Army on the dock and it is only a sign of things to come as THEY ALWAYS get the better of their foes, at no point does even an inkling of doubt enter your mind about Marty and Mick’s chances which makes for one hollow victory after the next… but I guess I am just used to watching “plastic heroes” and “Hollywood made vigilantes” and not REAL MEN like Martin and Michael McNamara.
- Tease Me Please Me: While Twin Dragon Encounter never teases that Marty or Mick could lose a fight, they do keep teasing when exactly Jake and the People’s Private Army will exact their revenge by kidnapping Nancy and Tessa… Will it be when Marty and Mick decide to leave the girls so they can visit their eccentric friend Barefoot Grant, who wears a lumberjack shirt but no shoes? Will it be when the guys don’t want to go swimming and would rather cut wood, so Nancy and Tessa go swimming on their own? Nope, it is neither of those situations… instead Jake and his boys grab the girls when one of them is about to shower and the other is about to take a dump in the woods and Marty and Mick were out fishing. May the War Games begin…
- War Games: When Marty and Mick return to the cabin, Nancy and Tessa are nowhere to be found… but they assume the girls are just getting back at them for a “hilarious” prank they pulled on them earlier, so they go about their business and clean the fish they caught… but when they realize the poster they have of themselves is missing from the cabin, they realize this is no prank, their girlfriends are in danger so it is time to gear up, hop on an ATV and make their way to the Private People’s Army camp and spit in the face of the 20 vs. 2 numbers disadvantage and kick ALL the PPA ass!
Now that I have seen both Twin Dragon movies I am left wondering… do Martin and Michael McNamara really have egos the size of Canada and they actually thought the world would be fascinated with seeing them swim, canoe, clean fish, pilot a hovercraft, cut logs and prank their girlfriends using their horny wolves personas OR were they just spoofing action movies of the time? Or possibly it is a little bit of both?
I’ve got a little bit of Bonus Bullet Points to end this review….
- Words of Wisdom: “Confucius say when fighting truckers, nail the suckers!”
- Seems Pretty Clear To Me Quote: “Shoot first, ask questions later… if you know what I mean?” – Jake
- No Thanks to You: Some shade gets thrown on The Canadian Film Development Corporation and the Ontario Film Development Corporation for not assisting the making of Twin Dragon Encounter in any way.
- He’ll Be Back: B. Bob reprises the role of Jake in the aforementioned Dragon Hunt as he attempts to get revenge for the arrow he took to the hand.
