Bullet Points: Fire Twister
A movie with multiple terrible reviews and a 2.6 IMDb rating like Fire Twister has to its credit (or discredit) would be cause for many movie watchers to run away from it. But when I saw that Casper Van Dien was the star of Fire Twister I found myself running towards it…
- They Didn’t Start the Fire: Casper Van Dien plays Scott Nylander, a former firefighter who was forced to walk away from that line of work after a traumatic experience. Scott now finds himself working side by side with his girlfriend Dr. Hottie (aka Carla) and her group of ecologists (Barbie and Jason) helping spread their environmental messages through peaceful protests. As the movie begins the foursome is heading up to a oil silo owned by Synco, where they plan on hanging a banner denouncing big oil’s harmful effects on the environment… but as Scott makes his way up the ladder on the side of the silo, he notices a bomb has been planted and the countdown is on… Scott, Carla, Jason and Barbie haul ass to get as far away from the silo as possible before it blows.
- What Comes Next?: I think the Ohio Players said it best when they said FIRE!… the silo explodes but instead of being the cause of one the wildfires California is known for things are much worse, the explosion has caused a fire twister! And even worse, Scott and friends are being shot at by the same people who more than likely planted the bomb on the silo.
- C’Mon Baby Let’s Do the Twist: Now a mere six minutes in and we get into full disaster movie mode with the Fire Twister running roughshod through suburban Los Angeles doing all sorts of property damage and even sucking up a guy who was outside raking his leaves. But what’s causing all this? Anthony has the answer. Anthony is an employee of Synco, who Scott mistook for one of the people trying to kill him and his friends. Anthony tells Scott and company that the silo that blew up contained a game changing smart fuel. This smart fuel would have eliminated the world’s energy crisis… but the hydrogen based fuel can also burn longer and some how feed off other sources of heat to grow larger… this is bad news if you think you can just turn on some hoses and put the Fire Twister out.
- Secret Agent Woman: Now we know what the Fire Twister is… but what about the people trying to kill Scott, Carla, Barbie and Jason? They are members of the CIA (Central Intelligence Agency for those in the know) and are led by a cell phone hating V. But the plot thickens when we find out V is in cahoots with Mitch the Synco CEO played by Joe Regalbuto of Raw Deal and The Sword and the Sorcerer fame. And with the CIA’s help, Scott is now being painted as the man responsible for creating the fire starter all over the news. But there was one more question left to be answered…
- How Do You Stop a Fire Twister?: The answer is apparently to blow it up… which seems strange to me, but I am no scientist. So Scott calls up his old firefighter buddy Logan, who knows Scott and doesn’t believe anything he is hearing on the news. Logan ends up hooking Scott up with military grade C4 and a fire truck with gasoline in its water tank… and it doesn’t take a scientist to figure out that will cause a pretty big explosion, but will it be big enough to stop the Fire Twister!?!? Or will Scott be able to save the day and get his firefighter mojo back!?!?
I could wrap up this review by telling you that the premise of Fire Twister is preposterous and that the special effects are ridiculous but that would be akin to all the people in my lifetime who felt the need to tell me that professional wrestling was predetermined when they learned that I was a fan. No shit Sherlock!
Fire Twister is not for anyone who was expecting some big budget, Roland Emmerich directed disaster movie. But for fans of cheesy, low budget, made for TV disaster movies… Fire Twister is an enjoyable way to spend 85 minutes… plus it stars Casper Van Dien, which that alone makes it worth watching in this reviewer’s book. Will I ever watch it again? Probably not, but I will share some Fire Twister Bonus Bullet Points with you…
- Nice Spelling: I know this is a glass house moment for me since I miss spelling mistakes on this site all the time, but I did not miss the spelling snafu in the lower third when an anonymous Synco employee “speakes” out.
- If You Ever: …wanted to see Casper Van Dien rescue a mother from a tree, then Fire Twister is the movie for you.
- Heads Up: Fire Twister is another movie I need to bring to the attention of our friends over at Exploding Helicopter.
- If You Ever: …wanted to see Joe Regalbuto violently murder a reporter with a golf club, after the reporter threatened to expose the truth about the Fire Twister, then Fire Twister is the movie for you and you should probably stop watching cable news so much, because you have an unhealthy disdain for reporters.
