Bullet Points: Bullet Train
The trailer for Bullet Train did its job and then some with me… the action, the music, Brad Pitt headlining, my boy Andrew Koji from Warrior, the man himself Hiroyuki Sanada and is that you Bunny!?!?
Bullet Train wasn’t just a movie I wanted to see, it felt like I movie I HAD to see at the earliest available opportunity…
- C’Mon Ride the Train: Brad Pitt plays Ladybug, a man who finds himself at a spiritual crossroads and also on a “simple” snatch and grab job aboard a bullet train. Little does Ladybug know that the briefcase he has been contracted to snatch and grab was brought on to the train by two assassins, Lemon (Brian Tyree Henry, Eternals) and Tangerine (Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Kick-Ass). Lemon and Tangerine were hired by one of the most dangerous crime bosses of them all, The White Death, to deliver his no good son and the briefcase that Ladybug is now after.
- All Aboard: In an uncharacteristically lucky break, Ladybug finds the briefcase in the train’s baggage car and this looks like it is going to be an easy job. But when the train gets to Ladybug’s stop, another assassin boards the train… an assassin known as Wolf. Wolf was played by Bad Bunny (or Benito A Martínez Ocasio), who has now successfully invaded my top two passions… professional wrestling and action movies. We get Wolf’s backstory and then a great knock down, drag out brawl with Ladybug ending with Bunny making a strong case that he could star in a Weekend at Bernie’s remake.
- Snakes on a Train: There are two more assassins on the train and I’ll tell you about one of them… her name is Prince and she is pure evil. Prince (Joey King) pushed a young boy off the roof of a building in order to bait the boy’s father Kimura (Andrew Koji, Snake Eyes) into helping her carry out her nefarious plan on the bullet train. I won’t reveal the identity of the other assassin, but I will say that assassin was responsible for bringing a deadly venomous snake on board to go along with all the metaphorical snakes.
- The Last Stop: Before the train arrives at its final destination, a wild card is thrown into the mix! Kimura’s father, The Elder (Hiroyuki Sanada, Ninja in the Dragon’s Den), boards the train. Like all the characters in the movie, we find out The Elder’s past is intertwined with The White Death which only adds to the intrigue of what is going to happen when the bullet train pulls into its last stop and the reveal of The White Death!
Bullet Train was one bloody good ride, packed with star power, humor, unforgettable characters and off the rails action. But perhaps more importantly, Bullet Train did not seem like something I had seen a dozen times before. Plus anytime you can work in a sword wielding Hiroyuki Sanada into a movie, it is obvious you know what the hell you are doing.
I know what the hell I am about to do, throw it to some Bonus Bullet Points…
- If You Ever: …wanted an action movie to reference Thomas the Tank Engine on multiple occasions, then Bullet Train is the movie for you.
- Familiar Faces: Sandra Bullock (Speed and Demolition Man) plays Ladybug’s handler and Karen Fukuhara, Kimiko from The Boys, played the concession girl on board the bullet train.
- Word Up: There are two fun cameos in the movie that I was surprised weren’t spoiled by IMDb, at least not as I type this.
